Quantum Xander


Part Twenty-Six

After Spike had re-emerged - dressed in black jeans and a thin white t-shirt, explanations had been given. No details were offered up, just the basic 'I have been jumping through realities and picked him up on the way' speech. Spike had given a brief description of his stay with the Initiative, and subsequent servitude to Riley Finn.

When the Spike of this world figured out that it had been Finn who had removed his double’s fangs, he went ballistic - cursing and swearing, throwing things and growling like a mad man.

Xander and Spike looked over at Xander and Willow and waited for an explanation. It was Willow who finally spoke up. She looked at her enraged blonde lover and then sighed sadly.

"The Initiative captured Spike and put a behaviour modification chip in his brain, I assume you know all about that? Well, when he escaped he went to the only person he thought would help him - Angel."

Xander saw the tears forming in Willow's eyes and felt the urge to hold her, to protect her. He did nothing however, just sat and listened as she continued.

"Buffy and Faith - the slayers, convinced Angel that he shouldn't help him, that Spike was just a demon and therefore not deserving of any compassion. If you ask me, those two have him so pussy-whipped that he can't think for himself. Anyway, Xander and I found him one night on our way home; he was lying in the park waiting for sunrise."

Willow started to sob and the Xander of this world pulled her into his arms. By this time Spike had finished venting his anger and sat down to listen as well. After Willow calmed she continued.

"You wouldn't have recognised him, he was so pale and gaunt. He looked like a skeleton. We took him home with us, fed him and I tried to disable the chip. I couldn't. Not yet anyhow, but I'm still working on it."

Xander held up a hand to interrupt.

"Um, did you say Buffy and Faith? And they're both with Angel? What about the curse?"

Spike chuckled and then waved toward Willow.

"Red here took care of that. Poof shagged Slutty and went nuts; ole Angelus tore through town on a bloody revenge kick. Dru and me high-tailed it out of town, and the witch re-cursed him. Took out that little happiness clause this time round though. No more insane brood-boy."

Spike smiled at his lovers and then continued.

"After the slayers threw me out, I tried everything I could think of to get this damn thing outta me head. Eventually, I was just too weak from hunger to fight anymore and I gave up. Laid out to meet the sunrise and then woke up here. Been here ever since."

Xander had so many questions he wanted to ask, like why Willow and he weren't helping Buffy, how long they'd been together, what Spike's problem was with Riley. He didn't know where to start. He was handed a cup of coffee and began drinking it without even looking to see who had passed it to him. He was startled out of his thought when Spike spoke up.

"What's the situation with the soldiers in this reality? They still around here?"

Xander could practically feel the tension radiating from his friend. He instinctively reached for him and pulled him down to sit in the seat beside him. He didn't let go of his hand.

Once again, the other three people in the room shared a look before Willow answered Spike’s question.

"The Initiative is no longer functioning. It was blown up, Xander and I helped. It was the only thing we've had to do with Buffy in a long time. After what Spike told us, we had to help destroy it. What they were doing was wrong."

Xander nodded his agreement. He didn't care for vamps and demons - aside from Spike - but experimenting on them wasn't right. It was one thing to kill them, that was self-preservation and keeping the town safe; experimenting was cruel and unjustified.

"So, you enjoyed the show this morning?"

That being said by a smirking Spike, Xander whipped his head up and opened and closed his mouth several times trying to form words. The Spike beside him just laughed at Xander's embarrassment and cocked his eyebrow at his double.

"Leave off, don't embarrass the boy."

The two vampires shared a silent look that said a lot. The other Spike nodded his head, having his question answered. Xander felt his hand squeezed and looked over at Spike who was smiling gently at him.

"Shall we take a walk pet? See the sights?"

Xander grinned. He figured the blonde was just itching to get out in the sunlight. He smirked at him.

"We could do that. Or we could take the bike and go for a ride?"

Spike's eyes lit up and he shot to his feet.

"I'll get the bike, wait here."

As soon as Spike was out of the room the other vampire's eyes widened in recognition.

"Bloody hell! He has the ring!"

"Yeah, he does. And he keeps it."

"But how? Where?"

"Last place we were in, my double gave it to me. I gave it to him and you'll have to go through me to get it."

Spike looked at the boy impressed. He had no intention of taking it, all right so he had thought about it for a brief moment, but after what he'd seen and heard, he figured his double deserved a break.

"No intention to take it, was just shocked is all. Angel has the one in this world. Soddin’ slayer took it from me and gave it to that poof. Bastard doesn't even use it, too guilt-ridden to enjoy it. He can shag the hell out of two slayers but he won't go out in the sun, pillock."

"Sounds like deadboy alright. Except the shagging two slayers part. I never saw him as the group sex type, not with the soul anyway."

Spike came back into the kitchen just then; he was practically hopping from one foot to the next in anticipation. Xander laughed and got up.

"Come on bleachy, let’s go play in the sun."

The Spike of this reality watched with a look of longing on his face as his double stepped out into the sunshine. He really hated the damn slayer and his poof of a sire. Willow and Xander both wrapped their arms around him and did what they could to comfort him.

Part Twenty-Seven

Today was great. Spike and I drove around on the bike for hours, then we went down to the beach and watched the sun set. Once it was dark again, we headed back to Willow's place to pick up our stuff.

About that, I should probably explain this morning. We shifted at some point late last night, or early today. I woke up - with Spike lying on top of me - we'll get to that in a minute - and we were in a new reality.

In this place, I am apparently involved with not only Spike, but Willow as well. I saw them together, together together. I had no idea how beautiful Wills is, I mean, yeah I always knew she was attractive but damn, I never saw her like that before. And Spike? Gah!

Which leads me back to this morning. When I woke up and he was on me, I was startled at first. That was mostly due to the fact that he was all grrr, and then I found myself getting aroused by his weight on top of me, the look of concentration in his yellow eyes. Then for one brief moment, I thought he was going to kiss me. He didn't. He whispered in my ear that we had shifted and that he could hear voices - our voices. I won't lie - a part of me was disappointed that he didn't kiss me.

What is wrong with me? I mean yeah, I like the guy - he's not the same Spike I thought he was, and he's different from the one back home, but only because he's been through so much. I have these strong urges to protect him and keep him safe. I don't understand it. He's a demon, an evil soulless demon. So why am I attracted to him in more than just a physical sense?

I can admit to finding Angel attractive, okay I can admit it here, but never shall those words pass my lips, and if anyone ever sees this I'll deny writing it. But with Broodboy, it's purely a physical reaction. Same as Faith, she's hot but as a person she does nothing for me. So what's different about Spike? Why do I find myself thinking about the way his skin felt under my hands when I was searching him for military hardware? Why do I watch him while he sleeps?

He's in the shower right now. We got a hotel room after we picked up our things from our doubles. They offered to let us stay with them but it would be too weird to listen to them having sex again. Or to see it. I still can't get the image of Spike and my double kissing out of my head. I get hard just thinking about it.

That's another problem. I know what Riley and those Initiative bastards did to Spike. Not all of it, but I know he was raped. He talks in his sleep, begs for them to stop. Sometimes it gets so bad that I wish I could go back to his world and kill the bastard. I feel totally out of control about it, like something primal in me wants to avenge Spike. In a way, it reminds me of the feelings I had for my pack when I was possessed by the hyena. A sense of... home?

Obviously, Spike isn't going to be interested in me that way. I'd be surprised if he were ever interested in a man again after what he's been through. Although, I can't picture Angelus as the hearts and flowers type - unless the hearts were still warm and gooey. I'm sure he suffered similar treatment at his hands as well.

That doesn't solve the problem I find myself facing. I like Spike. As in want to kiss him silly, like him. What is it with me and demons? I mean, why am I constantly drawn to supernatural beings? Why, for once can't I just find a nice normal human person to fall for? No, they have to be slayers, or vampires, or wizards, even Wesley was into magic. I guess it's time I face the facts, I will never be involved in a normal relationship. I don't think I'd know how. But that still doesn't help me with Spike.

Xander closed his journal and flopped back on the bed. He was worn out, frustrated, and confused. Not that long ago, his life made sense. He had a good job, a nice apartment and a beautiful fiancée. Then he got scared, left said fiancée at the altar and found himself dimension-hopping. Even then his life was still relatively normal - for him anyway, this sort of thing was par for the course when you lived on the hell mouth, hung out with a slayer, and left an ex vengeance demon at the altar. He'd been expecting retaliation in some form.

It was the spell that got to him. He hadn't been exactly happy as a totally straight guy, look at his track record - but now he was so damn confused that he wasn't sure that this was any better. He wished Willow had left him alone in the first place. She had no right to interfere with his life that way, and if he ever got home he was going to demand answers. Xander heard a noise and sat up. He swallowed hard as he saw Spike emerge from the bathroom in just a towel. The towel was slung low on his hips and he was still damp, a droplet of water slowly making its way down his chest. Xander was mesmerised as he followed its path with his eyes.

"Shower's free, pet. I even left some hot water for you."

The sound of Spike's voice snapped Xander out of his daze and he shook his head to clear away the lust that had fogged his brain. He nodded once and darted for the open bathroom door. He missed the knowing look on the vampire’s face as he passed.

Once the door was closed, Xander leaned against it heavily and squeezed his eyes closed. He needed to get himself under some semblance of control. The last thing he wanted was for Spike to know what he was thinking. He was sure it would only serve to alienate him after all he'd endured with Riley and his men.

Out in the other room, Spike stood staring at the closed bathroom door. He was somewhat shocked by the look of raw naked lust he had seen on Xander’s face. A few days ago, the boy stood in the same room with him while he'd been naked and had felt nothing but embarrassment. Whatever the witch had done to the boy had to have been pretty damn strong to suppress that kind of desire.

He wasn't sure whether he should feel flattered or frightened. On the one hand, it had been a long time since anyone had looked at him like that, and it was nice to feel wanted. But on the other hand, after everything he'd been through with Finn and his soldiers, he wasn't sure he wanted to be touched by a human man ever again. Even Xander.

As Spike finished drying himself and slipping into some sweat pants, he thought about everything that had happened since he'd left Sunnydale. Since Xander had taken him away. He had been rid of the Initiative’s damned devices - even though he had no idea what they were, he was glad they were gone. He had been taken as far away from Riley Finn as was possible; he remembered the sound of Xander's outraged scream as he was hit by the tazer. And Xander had accepted him as a friend and travel companion. Then of course there was the ring.

Spike looked down at his hand and grinned. The memories of the day washed over him. Driving through town on the bike, the reassuring weight of Xander pressing against his back, the chuckle in his ear as they stopped at the beach and the vampire gasped at the sight of the sun reflected on the water. Maybe he wasn't as opposed to being touched by Xander as he thought.

Spike came back to himself with a startled yelp as he felt a warm hand land on his shoulder. He spun around in full game face and snarled at Xander. The human stepped back and raised his hands in a gesture of surrender.

"Hey, easy there. Didn't mean to startle you."

It took Spike a minute to suppress the reaction of being sneaked up on, but once he did, he shook off his demon visage and reached a hand out to the man in front of him.

"Sorry, luv. You startled me."

"I didn't mean to, I called your name and then when you didn't answer me..."

"No worries, sorry if I scared you."

Xander shrugged his shoulders and grinned at him.

"Nah, I'm actually used to you, or rather the you where I'm from, wearing that face and snarling at me. Only I usually deserve it for some smart-assed comment I've made."

Spike was slightly disturbed that he had allowed the other man to get that close without noticing it. It either meant that he felt safe enough in his presence for his demon to not react to him, or he was damaged in some way and his instincts were faulty. He hoped it was the first and not the second.

Xander pulled the covers back on the bed and stretched out before closing his eyes. He was tired, but mostly he was trying to keep himself from thinking about Spike, so that meant not looking at him either.

Spike climbed into bed beside him and switched off the lamp. They both lay in bed, side by side, not touching and trying not to think about what could be between them.

Part Twenty-Eight

It's official. The Xan-man is definitely interested in guys. It's weird, I mean I never really thought about it before; okay yeah I thought about kissing Jesse, but that was the extent of it - kissing. I never thought about having actual sex with him.

Spike and I have been here in this world for four days now. We haven't been back to see Willow, Xander and Spike since the morning we woke up in their home. It's just too weird. Not the Spike part or even the Willow part - although that is somewhat wiggins-worthy, it's the whole threesome thing. Soooo not me. At least I don't think it is.

Maybe it's a spell? God, am I ever going to be able to trust Willow again? Right, off topic. Where was I? Oh yeah, the whole Xander-is-a-poof thing. How the hell did I not notice this before? Wills must have put one hell of a whammy on me 'cause ever since the spell was taken off I'm noticing guys in a whole different light.

Spike and I were watching TV last night - wrestling, to be precise, and I kept noticing how attractive some of the men were. Not the usual "oh he's got a good build, wish I looked like that" but the "wow, nice ass on the Rock" sort of noticing. It seriously weirded me out for a minute. Then I realised it was okay to notice those things, that it was part of who I am, or who I would be if Wills hadn't interfered in my life. I think Spike noticed, he looked over at me and gave me this ... I don't know, reassuring look? It was way weirder than admiring the Rock’s ass. Of course I'd much rather admire Spike’s ass than the Rock’s. And that, my dear diary, (God, how girlie) is the problem.

We're still in the same hotel room, still sharing a bed. Every morning I wake up with him in my arms, his head resting on my chest, one of his legs thrown over my thighs. I want to kiss him; actually I want to do a hell of a lot more than just kiss him, but a kiss would be a nice start. I think he knows that I like him, he acts ... off with me now. Like he's trying to make up his mind about something. Probably trying to decide if he wants to stay here rather than risk staying with a recently gay man who has the hots for him. Maybe I should have left the spell on?

At least he has the freedom to go out now. Giving him the ring was a good idea, I think he feels safer now, and his face whenever he looks at it ... beautiful. I don't know how to describe it.

Oh, yeah. His fangs are back. This morning when he shifted faces to feed, I saw them. I never thought I would feel relieved to see a vampire’s fangs but I was. I think he might be starting to heal in more ways than just the physical. He's starting to act more Spike-ish, which is good, but I still see the real him as well. The one that held me when I cried, the one that reaches out for me in his sleep. I like that Spike too.

Speaking of, he's waking up now so I should put this away before he starts teasing me about being all girlie and writing in my diary. Besides, I don't want him to see anything that I've written. Wouldn't do to let him know I'm falling in love with him.

Xander closed his eyes and fell back on the bed. He hated this, this not knowing where and when they would be leaving, what they would find when they got there, and he especially hated the thought that Spike might want to stop coming with him. Xander began to feel dizzy and knew that they were about to leave. Hopefully they would end up someplace nice.

Spike groaned beside him and sat up holding his head. He looked around the room before his eyes landed on Xander. He shook him lightly and waited for him to open his eyes.

"Feel brave enough to venture into town? See where the fates have dropped us this time?"

Xander groaned and got up. He had to stifle a laugh when he saw the tidy little pile of cash that had followed them into this world. It was getting to be somewhere around three hundred dollars by his guess. Once again, travelling with a demon will warp your ethics.

"Yeah, why not. You think we should take the bike in or walk?"

"Bike. We don't know if this place is friendly, Xan. I don't want to risk it."

"Yeah you're right. Um, shower first?"

Spike leered at Xander

"That an offer, pet?"

Xander gulped as images of a wet, soapy, naked Spike flashed through his head. Thanks to Wesley's spell he had a very good idea of what Spike looked like naked, as well. He shot off the bed and glared at the vampire when he chuckled at him.

"Relax, Xander. I was joking. Go shower and then we'll head into town."

Xander practically ran for the bathroom and closed the door quickly behind him. It wasn't that he was embarrassed by what Spike had jokingly suggested, it was that if he thought for one minute that the vampire was serious, he would have gladly taken him up on it.

Out in the other room, Spike groaned at his own stupidity and sat on the end of the bed. He couldn't believe he had said that. He knew that Xander was still coming to terms with his sexuality, he also knew that he fancied him. So it was not only stupid, but also mean to tease the boy like that.

It wasn't that Spike had no interest in Xander, he liked him just fine. If it weren't for what he'd been through with Finn and the rest of those wankers, he would gladly shag the boy into the middle of next week.

Hell for that matter he'd shag Xander right here and now. It was when he thought about the situation being reversed that he froze up. He wasn't anywhere near ready to reciprocate. Didn't know if he ever would be.

He had to admit that it was nice waking up with a warm body next him, strong arms holding him. A steady reassuring heartbeat beneath his ear. He would miss that when they landed someplace where they wouldn't have to share a bed. Spike's head snapped up as he suddenly smelled a new scent permeating the air. He groaned again as he realised what it was - Xander was tossing off in the shower. It figured, he had pretty much asked for it when he said that to him. Spike was instantly hard in the confines of his jeans, and contemplated for a split second about going in there and joining Xander in the shower. Then he came back to reality and opened his jeans.

With sure steady strokes, Spike brought himself to climax while straining to hear the noises coming from the other room. On top of the sounds of water and flesh moving over flesh, he clearly heard the muffled sound of his name as the air was flooded with the scent of Xander’s release. It was that sound, that enticing moan of his name, that ripped the vampire’s orgasm from him almost painfully.

Xander spent long minutes just standing under the scalding water, trying to wash away the memory of what he'd just done. Using the knowledge he had of Spike’s body - from what he had seen to what he remembered from holding him at night - to fuel his fantasies. To bring himself pleasure. It wasn't right.

The water burned, it scalded his skin and should have hurt. It didn't. The pain was secondary to the pleasure still surging through him even this long after the evidence of his climax had been washed down the drain. He could still see Spike - on his knees before him, his hair wet from the shower and clinging to his forehead. He could still feel those silky locks tangled around his fingers as he guided the cool mouth up and down his shaft.

He still felt phantom hands ghosting along his hips and ass, pulling him farther into a cool wet vacuum of indescribable ecstasy. His back arching as his balls rose and tightened. He could still hear the echo of his own voice calling out for Spike in the midst of his orgasm.

The thought instantly brought him out of his haze. Had Spike heard? Or did the sounds of the shower drown out his cries of release? How was he going to show his face after this?

Xander shut off the water and stepped out of the tub. He instinctively began to dry himself while his mind worked over the problem at hand. Did Spike hear him or not? And if he did, what was he going to do about it? Admitting to himself that he was attracted to the blonde - possibly falling in love with him - was one thing; letting Spike know was on a whole other level. For one thing, other than a few teasing phrases here and there, Spike had shown no interest in him that way. For another, there was still the whole slavery issue that he had been through.

And didn't that make him feel great. What if Spike had heard him, and now thought that he wanted to use him in the same way that Riley had. Even with the ring, Spike was helpless to defend himself if Xander tried to hurt him. Or at least he was pretty sure he was. They hadn't exactly tested the magical properties of the ring against the technological properties of the chip.

Finally, Xander could hide away in the bathroom no longer. He took a deep steadying breath and opened the door. He kept his eyes low as he walked into the room, avoiding Spike at all costs. He didn't want to see disgust in his eyes - or worse, fear. He grabbed some clean clothes from his bag and turned to head back into the bathroom to change.


One word. But spoken with such emotion that he couldn't help but turn around and look. What he saw when he looked at Spike was understanding, possibly more.


"Xander, I heard you. I know."

Xander hung his head. Embarrassment and shame warring for top position. He wanted to disappear, to turn into Marcy the Invisible Girl. Anything to not have this conversation. The 'I like you, but not that way' conversation. He didn't hear the vampire approach him and was therefore startled when a cool finger lifted his chin. Spike pressed his lips to Xander’s softly and then pulled away.

"I like you too. I'm just not ready. Not for that, not yet."

Xander nodded and smiled. At least it wasn't a rejection.

Part Twenty-Nine

Cruising through town in the middle of the day - arms around Spike's waist, the hum of the motorcycle underneath him - Xander was feeling like today could be a very good day. Of course, Murphy's law went into overdrive here on the hellmouth, and anything that could go wrong, most certainly did.

Wanting to get a fix on the scoobies of this world, the first thing they did was go by the Magic Box. Of course it wasn't the Magic Box in this world. In fact, it was a pet store. Somehow, Xander just couldn't picture Giles as the owner of a pet store, so they didn't bother going in.

A wary Xander knocked on the door to Buffy's house and was greeted by a large Spanish woman. After a stilted conversation - where Xander's limited understanding of the Spanish language was tested beyond endurance - he returned to Spike with little information other than the fact that Buffy didn't live there, and the large Spanish woman did, and had for several years now.

A phone booth provided answers. There were no R. Giles' listed, nor were there any B. Summers' or J. Summers'. There was, however, a listing for Willow's parents. Deciding to take a chance that they might actually be home, Xander gave Spike directions to their house and they set off.

After knocking on the door several times and receiving no answer, Xander gave up. Spike was actually relieved to not have to deal with any of Xander’s 'friends' but he wasn't about to tell the boy that. As far as he was concerned, this world was looking up. No slayer, no wolf, no witch, no watcher. If he knew for sure that there was no Initiative here, he could actually relax for as long as they were stuck here.

"Come on luv. We’ll drive down to that donut shop we passed earlier. You'll feel better after you get some sugar into you."

Xander nodded and climbed back onto the bike behind Spike and rested his cheek against the warm leather covering the vampire’s back. He was feeling lost and depressed and he really just wanted to go back to the hotel and crawl into bed. Of course, seeing as how they had to re-rent a room, that could be a problem.

"Okay, but can we go back to the hotel after that? I'm kinda worn out from all the running around today."

"Sure pet. Whatever you want."

The bike roared to life and they spun off down the street.

After scarfing down donuts and overly sweetened coffee, Xander was in a much better mood. Spike hadn't eaten yet that day so they headed off toward Willy’s and stopped by the closest sewer entrance. Spike left Xander with the bike while he went to purchase some blood.

The bar was pretty much the same as it was back home as far as Spike could see. Willy was wiping a glass with a less than pristine towel, vampires and other various demons were scattered throughout the room drinking all manner of mostly disgusting beverages, and the only humans in attendance were pets, whores or thralls.

Willy swallowed audibly when Spike approached the bar and the vampire could smell the fear pouring off of him. It was obvious that his double in this world still frightened the little man, so he used that to his advantage.

"Blood, the good stuff, now."

"Y-yes Master Spike. Of course, right away."

Spike smirked as the snivelling little human ran to do his bidding. Within less than a minute, Spike had a large glass of very fresh, still warm blood in his hand. He savoured the scent before drinking and then licking his lips.


Once again he found himself enjoying the taste of fresh human blood. He wondered for a minute where it had come from, but then decided he really didn't care. He reached for his wallet to pay the little man and then stopped. If his double was as evil as he used to be, he wouldn't pay for blood.

"Ta mate. Be seeing ya."

Spike turned and left the bar the same way he'd gone in - through the sewers. As soon as he had left, two of the other vamps got up to tail him. They didn't learn much, as Spike had heard them following him and dusted them both. Willy knew that his life was about to take a turn for the worse. When the Master of Sunnydale learned that Spike was back in town, all hell was going to break loose.

Spike found Xander waiting for him with the bike. He took a few minutes to look at him - really look him, before he knew he was being watched. Xander was leaning against a tree across the street, his eyes were closed and the sunlight was shining down on him. He looked radiant. Spike - full of fresh human blood - felt himself harden in his jeans. He licked his lips in anticipation and stealthily strode toward Xander.

Xander 'eeped' in surprise when he opened his eyes to find blue eyes staring into his own. Before he managed to collect himself to even speak, he found his lips taken in a passionate kiss. Without thinking, he wrapped his arms around the vampire and kissed him back.

Cool and moist, Xander plundered Spike’s mouth with abandon. He could taste faint traces of blood in his mouth but it didn't stop him from enjoying the kiss. Eventually, he needed to breathe and broke away from Spike’s mouth, gasping for air. Spike continued his assault on Xander’s neck instead. Licking and sucking at his pulse point, nibbling his way up to Xander’s ear and sucking the lobe into his mouth.

Xander shuddered and drew a shaky breath before speaking.

"Not that I'm not enjoying, 'cause I am, very much. But why the sudden change of heart? This morning you weren't ready and now suddenly you are?"

"Want you."

That was the only reply Xander got. And the voice, so low and sexy, sent tingles racing down his spine and his cock twitched in anticipation. He was about ten seconds away from offering himself up right there in the middle of town when a car drove past and someone yelled out 'get a room'.

"Mmm, good idea that. You did say you wanted to go back to the hotel, didn't you?"

The rich baritone voice whispering in his ear promised pleasure, an end to the exquisite torture that he was feeling, and satisfaction. Xander couldn't speak, barely managed to nod his head and followed blindly as Spike led him by the hand back to the bike parked a few feet away.

Back at the hotel, Xander waited while Spike checked them in and got a room. He was beginning to be able to think again, now that he wasn't in physical contact with the blonde. He was torn between saying the hell with it and jumping the vamp as soon as they got inside the room or putting a stop to it until he knew what had changed Spike's mind. One look from those smouldering eyes had him plastered up against the wall, being kissed breathless. He decided thinking was vastly overrated and lost himself in the pleasure of the moment.

He did notice however that Spike was taking a decidedly aggressive approach to this and figured that this was what the vamp needed, at least this time. It was fine by Xander, as he had no idea what to do when it came to making love with another man.

As he was led toward the bed, Spike stopped just long enough to rid them both of their shirts and shoes; then he was attacking Xander’s mouth again. Xander felt his legs bump into the bed just before he fell back, Spike coming down on top of him. He gasped as their groins connected, hard flesh pressed against hard flesh.

"Fuck, Spike!"

"Plan to pet. Gonna make you scream for me."

Somehow, Spike managed to get them both naked before Xander even noticed he had moved. At the first press of Spike’s cock against his own, Xander thought he might cum right there and then. It was only due to his relationship with Anya and learning how to prolong orgasm that he didn't.

Spike's hands were everywhere, touching, caressing, pinching and probing. Xander could do nothing but gasp and moan, beg and plead. And when Xander felt the first slick finger breach his opening he merely pushed down to get it in further and begged for more.

By the time Xander was stretched and ready, Spike was in game face and straining to keep himself from just pushing inside Xander and hurting them both. He took several deep, unneeded-but-calming breaths and then slowly, slowly pushed until the head of his cock was past the tight ring of muscle.

Xander gasped and his eyes rolled back in his head. He hadn't expected it to feel like this. Spike’s cock was so much larger than the fingers that had just left his body; he expected it to hurt. It didn't; it burned but in a nice way. A very nice way, and he wanted more.

"Please, God Spike please."

Spike opened his eyes and looked into deep brown eyes that begged without voice for him to do something to fill the ache. He swooped down and kissed Xander again as he began to ease his way inside. Once he was fully encased, he rolled his brow across Xander’s and panted as he waited for a signal that it was okay to move.

Xander opened his eyes and smiled at the game-faced Spike above him. He knew without a doubt that he would never be able to forgive Willow for denying him this. The fact that he could have had years with Spike - the Spike back home - the way 'Xan' did, and avoided all the mess that was he and Anya, pretty much guaranteed it. But he was happy enough with where he was right now to know that he would at least try.

Spike felt Xander wiggle and took that as a sign to move. He angled himself so that Xander’s prostate was stimulated with each thrust and began to withdraw from his body before plunging back in.

Neither man lasted long, both too worked up and desperate. Xander screamed as he came and Spike followed right after him, roaring as his climax tore through him. Spike collapsed on top of Xander and felt warm arms embrace him as his softened cock slipped out of Xander’s body. A tender kiss was placed on his temple and then he was rolled onto his back. Xander snuggled into him and promptly fell asleep.

Part Thirty

I slept with Spike. Okay, nothing new there as we sleep together practically every night. What I should have said was I had sex with Spike. Sex. With Spike. With the kissing and the touching and the penetration. I let a demon fuck me. I let a demon fuck me and I liked it. A lot.

This isn't coming out the way it should. It sounds ... dirty, and it wasn't. It was good, more than good. It was unbelievable and wonderful and I hope he doesn't regret it and hate me. God, I'm pathetic. Here I am, after one of the most profound experiences of my life, wondering if the evil vampire is going to regret having sex with me.

But Spike isn't completely evil, is he? At least not this version. He was so sweet earlier today, he kissed me and told me he liked me, but he wasn't ready for that yet. 'That' being sex. Explanations are probably in order. See, after joking with me about sharing a shower, I was so worked up I took matters into my own hands. Spike heard and confronted me when I came out of the bathroom. That's when he kissed me and told me he wasn't ready. So what changed his mind? I mean, we checked out the town, didn't find any of the gang, had something to eat, and then went to Willy’s so he could get blood. I waited across the street for him and when he came out he just... attacked me. Not in a bad way, in a kissed-me-stupid-and-made-my-brains-leak-out-of-my-ears way. Then we came back here to the hotel.

I thought about stopping him, at least until I knew what had brought about the sudden change of heart, but then he was kissing me again and I lost the ability to think. So now I'm sitting here on the floor, back against the wall, watching him as he sleeps, and writing. I wish I knew what he was thinking. Why he changed his mind about us.

What do I do when he wakes up? I haven't got a clue how to deal with 'the morning after' with a guy, or a vampire. Especially a guy vampire. Do I kiss him and treat him like my lover? Do I act as though it didn't happen and continue on as friends? I'm completely lost. I do know one thing though. I have to let Spike set the pace and the boundaries of this - whatever it is we have. I can't push or rush him. Not after everything he's been through. Yeah, that's it. I'll let him decide what happens now. Give him control, he probably needs that - to have control of something in his un-life again, even if it is just the pace of our relationship.

Oh God! I said relationship. I'm in a relationship with a vampire, a manpire. Spike - William the Bloody. I had sex with one quarter of the Scourge of Europe. Will this make Drusilla and Deadboy my in-laws?

Xander closed the book and watched his sleeping lover. His lover; Spike was his lover. He almost started to panic again at the thought of what would happen when the vampire woke up. He almost wished that time would stand still, that he could just stay in this moment forever. But wishes were bad things, and extremely dangerous to make in Sunnydale, no matter what dimension you are in. Xander knew that from experience.

Deciding that it wouldn't make any difference whether he was in bed or not when Spike woke up, Xander put his journal away and crawled back into bed beside his lover. He smiled when Spike instinctively reached for him and pulled him close. He was just drifting off to sleep when Spike sat up in bed and looked around frantically before jumping to his feet in full game face.

Xander was certain that the image of a snarling, wild-eyed, game-faced, Spike - even though he was naked - was not supposed to get him hard. Too bad his body wasn't listening to his brain, because he was, hard that is.

Spike scented the air and turned yellow eyes on the human in the bed. The beast within was shouting to maim and destroy the threat to him, but the rational part of his mind knew that even though he was human, he was not a threat, he was friend, protector, and...lover.


Spike tried to check his demon and calm himself. The fact that the boy showed no fear, even in the presence of his demon went a long way toward his serenity.

"Yeah, Spike. It's me. You alright?"

"M'fine luv. Just woke up a bit disoriented s'all."

Xander held out his hand and smiled softly.

"Come and lay down for a bit?"

Spike nodded and took the outstretched hand in his own. His earlier blood-fuelled lust had subsided and left him with a sense of wariness and unease. He knew what had happened; he knew it while it was happening. Just now, with the effects of the blood worn off, he wasn't sure what to do next. He'd had a total of three lovers in his time - Dru, Angelus, and Darla - and wasn't sure what the proper etiquette was in this situation.

Did he tell Xander the truth - that he wasn't ready to bottom for the boy, that he didn't know if or when he ever would be - or did he just leave it all up to fate and play it by ear? He supposed he could put it off for awhile, at least. Xander might not want to take the lead in any sexual situations for a while.

His contemplation was brought up short when two vampires burst into the room. He immediately put himself between the vampires and Xander, so that the vamps couldn't see the boy behind him.

"Master Spike."

The taller of the two addressed him.

"My master has requested your presence. You will come with us now."

Spike snorted and gave the two minions a two-fingered salute.

"Yeah well, I don't follow anybody's soddin’ orders. Get out."

The shorter of the two walked closer to the bed and saw Xander sitting behind Spike, looking ready to fight if necessary. He stumbled back, grabbed his partner and backed toward the door.

"Master, I'm so sorry we didn't know... She sent us to bring him... forgive me."

And then he turned tail and pulling his partner behind him ran out the door. Spike looked behind him at an equally puzzled Xander and shook his head.

"Well, pet. What the bloody hell do you suppose that's all about?"

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