My dear, darling [info]kitty_poker1 is celebrating the moment when the world was lucky enough to first get a glimpse of her today and, since she loves Spander and abhors angst, I concocted the following piece of utterly crack!ish Spander for her. If you're looking for drama, pathos, or deep meaning, move along, there's nothing to see here. Hopefully, though, you'll stick around and find this fun.

Pairing: Spike/Xander, Willow
Rating: FRT-13/PG-13
Summary: Willow catches Xander in a compromising position.
Word Count: 350
Feedback: Please.
Distribution: My LJ, my IJ, and my site only.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. It all belongs to Joss and a bunch of other people who are not now and have never been me.
Author's Notes: Written to celebrate the birthday of the simply splendiferous [info]kitty_poker1

The Meat Show


The sweat was beading on Xander’s forehead as he was caught in the crosshairs of Willow’s gaze.

“Look, Will, it’s not what you think, I swear.”

“Oh really? Then what was it? Because unless you had Weetabix down there, it looked like Spike was…”

“No!” Xander yelped, really not wanting to hear his best friend use the words she was just about to say. “He was just…looking for something.”

“What? A contact lens?”

“Yes! Exactly!”

“Spike doesn’t wear contact lenses, Xander. Vampire, remember? Of course you remember, I mean, hey, you’d have to have noticed that he didn’t need to breathe when he was…”

Xander was caught and he knew it. But that didn’t mean he was ready to hear Willow say what she was about to say, so he decided to come clean and cut her off all at once. “Okay…okay. Spike and I are kind of… Are you gonna tell Anya? Because…”

“No, of course not!” Willow exclaimed, looking at him as if he’d grown an extra head. “Just…next time, let me know in advance when you guys are gonna make with the monkey sex, okay?”

Xander breathed a sigh of relief. It seemed that all she was asking was for them to be a little more careful about doing it where she could walk in on them. He could do that. In fact he...

“Oh, and be more naked,” Willow continued, shattering forever the shy, sort-of-virginal image he’d maintained of his best friend. “There’s no point in watching if there’s nothing to see. Mind if I let Tara watch, too?”

Oh no. Willow didn’t want him to be careful at all. Boy, you do a one-nighter at The Ladies' Night Club and you never live it down. All of a sudden he was nothing but a piece of meat, a performing sex bunny.

The worst part about this whole thing, though? He just knew that Spike was going to be way too enthusiastic about this.

Of course, there was an upside. An enthusiastic Spike would probably be willing to do that thing with…

“How’s tomorrow night sound?”

The End

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