Join me, my children, as I tell you a tale
Of romance in the strange town of Sunnydale...
We start at a school called Sunnydale High
With a Slayer, a witch, a librarian, and a guy.
The Slayer called Buffy was so full of cheer
For her, demons were nothing to fear
Every day after dark, she'd fight monsters from hell
But she'd always have to battle academics, as well.
The witch, her name Willow, was quite the young girl
With an adorable face and in her hair not a curl
A powerful Wiccan, and far from a fool
Willow was a genius with magicks and school.
Giles, the librarian, was older than the rest
He hailed from England, just like the best
As a boy, he worshipped Chaos, until he turned good
And then became a Watcher, as proper boys should.
Xander Harris was considered the Zeppo of the group
He came from a family who treated him like ...poop
He'd always be joking, and when he got into trouble
His friends would come running, right on the double.
One day, two evil vampires strolled into town
Lining up victims, and knocking them down
Spike and Drusilla were what they were called
Buffy tried to fight them, but then she was mauled.
The Scoobies were frightened, the duo was lethal
Until one day when Buffy's boyfriend, Angel, turned evil
He tried to end the world, and Buffy was scared
Until Spike came to her and admitted he cared.
He said that Angel was making his life a real hell
Drusilla had feelings for him, this Spike could tell
He wanted to help Buffy to win back his Dru
"I can't fight them both alone, and neither can you!"
So together they fought, well as could be guessed
And Buffy put a sword straight through Angel's chest
And Spike took Drusilla far, far away
And just like that, they saved the day.
Buffy ran away, all alone and upset
She tried to have as normal a life as she could get
But her plans were destroyed when demons made her mad
So she returned to her friends, and they were all glad.
And for a while they continued saving the day
Endlessly sending the bad guys away
They worked to make Sunnydale safe as a pillow
Until Spike came back and kidnapped Xander and Willow.
Spike explained how Dru had left him all alone
And how he lost the greatest love he had ever known
So he stayed in Sunnydale to kill that Slayer
Because he had quite some revenge he had to pay her.
A while later, when Spike was out 'walking'
(even though we all know he was really Buffy-Stalking)
He was attacked by army-like guys
And he was hit with tazars and paralyzed!
Spike safely escaped, but only to find
Those nasty commandos put a chip in his mind!
Now every time he'd cause people pain
That buggering chip would fry his brain.
So Spike couldn't leave 'till his chip was removed
And gradually, his relationship with the Scoobies improved
He'd help them fight demons 'cause he loved a good fight
And according to the chip, demon violence was alright
Spike hated the Scoobies - except there was one:
Xander, who was always so special and fun
To the witch and the Slayer, he was just like a brother
But to the blonde vampire he was like no other.
Not too long later, Xander thought Spike a good friend
And Spike didn't seduce him, fearing the friendship would end
But little did he know, that behind that innocent face,
Xander was experiencing a very similar case.
For a while they lived each with their own little crush
And each time that they touched, both faces would blush
But neither of them noticed the other one's love
Until Xander heard Spike scream his name in the tub.
This is great!, Xander thought, so full of joy
Spike really likes me, even though I'm a boy!
Xander's face fell, How will my friends deal
Once they find out how both of us feel?
Upset, Xander isolated himself from the rest of the Scoobies
Ashamed he felt this way about someone without boobies
He knew they wouldn't mind that a guy he could like -
He just wasn't sure how they'd react if it was Spike.
So Xander didn't talk to anyone and Spike knew not why
But he wanted to talk to Xander again, so he'd try and he'd try
But Xander just shut him out with his emotional wall
And for quite a while they didn't talk at all
Until one day when Xander came out -
In front of his friends he stood up to shout
Loud enough for the whole world to hear
"I'm gay! A fag! A poof! A queer!"
Spike stared in shock, too scared to say
"Alas, Xander, for I, too, am gay!"
But apparently Xander could hear what he'd think
Because when he stared at the boy, he was met with a wink
They spent every second of the entire day
Bumping and grinding and kissing away
And later that night, in Spike's arms Xander lay,
Good God, it feels fucking good to be gay.