Vampire Sings the Blues
In Care of the Blues
I hope that you've been missing me
the way that I've been missing you
I shouldn't have let you go because I love you so
write me in care of the blues
When I got back to the mansion, he was in my bed, naked and waiting for me. Wordlessly, I stripped and joined him.
The first time, I fucked him. His legs were tight around my waist, his cock and then his come hot on my belly.
He sucked me the second time, slow and desperate, taking me deep into his throat. I pulled back before I came; I wanted him to taste it. Taste me. Then I rolled him over and licked his ass until he came, whimpering. He always did like that.
In the morning, he was already up when I woke, standing at the window staring at nothing. Still silent, we dressed.
I waited until he was ready to leave before I fucked him again. I pushed his jeans down his thighs and bent him roughly over the arm of the chair.
I fucked him hard. Spreading him open with my thumbs, I counted on last night's lube and looseness to let me in.
I pulled all the way out but stayed pressed against him, feeling him tighten in my abscence.
"What time is the wedding?"
I went in fast and brutal, uncaring of pain. I wanted him to feel me, feel where I had been, later today.
"Ah! T...ten. Ten o'clock."
I came hard, wrenchingly. Since I didn't need to catch my breath, I pulled out, spun him around, dropped to my knees and swallowed his cock. I sucked strongly until he came with a strangled scream.
Tenderly, I tucked him back in and zipped him up. I kissed him, my mouth still full of his flavor.
He stood at the door for a long time, just looking, not saying anything. I went to him, rubbed my fingers down the back seam of his jeans, where I could already feel a warm, damp spot.
"Remember me today. When you're on the altar, and you feel my come oozing out of you, remember me. Us."
"Save it. You made your choice, six months ago. May you have the joy of it." I could hear the bitterness in my voice, and the pain. I didn't try to stop it; I wanted him to hear it, to know how bad I was hurting. I wanted him to hurt that bad too.
His gaze dropped to the floor.
Then he was gone.
At 10:00, I was in a coffin, being loaded onto a bus. A cliche, but effective for getting out of town unnoticed. The driver looked human, but he was an Aoaeiw demon, making a bit on the side transporting 'special' passengers.
I'll make a brief stop in LA and let Peaches know I won't be around for a while, and then I'll move on to Mexico. It's warm there, and there'll be tequila. A lot of tequila.
I left his Patsy Cline tape in the seat of the chair that I'd fucked him over just a few hours before. That chair, the one that he'd tied me down to while he slept, the one that he'd first fucked me in--it seemed like ages ago--and damn me for a sentimental fool for keeping it.
I'd left enough clues for him to find me if he tried.
If he cared to try.
I'll have to tell Al he's got an exhaust leak. That's what must be making my eyes water. Vampires don't cry.
give that postman your letter
and he'll know what to do
he'll bring your letter to me
and a plane will bring me to you
lyrics from Patsy Cline's In Care of the Blues
you gave me your heart
and carelessly I broke it, sweetheart
I took each tender kiss you gave to me
every kiss made you a slave to me
Anya wanted a church wedding; she got it. She wanted an exotic honeymoon; we compromised with my paycheck and went to New Orleans. Anya wanted a house with a picket fence, so we rented one. She wanted all of me.
She only got part of me.
I tried, honestly I did. I mean, wouldn't you? A warm, loving woman who loves you, wouldn't you try to love her back? Especially when your other choice was a cold dead guy who you thought only wanted you.
I didn't realize that he loved me, too. Or that I loved him. Not until it was too late. Don't get me wrong, I love Anya. I'm just not in love with Anya.
So I tried. But I knew that morning that it wasn't going to work. Standing on the altar with my ass throbbing, feeling the slow ooze and being thankful that I was wearing dark pants, I knew.
Spike loved me.
He loved me, and he had never said.
Well, of course not. Idiot. I had made it pretty clear that I was in it for the sex. I used him like a cheap whore, and never paid him, not even with the coin of courtesy. I actually expected him to be happy that I was getting married. I never saw the pain.
Until it bled all over his parting words. "You made your choice. May you have the joy of it."
Joy. Yeah, right. Stuck in a hell of my own making. Remember that old seventies song, 'Torn Between Two Lovers'? That's me, torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool. I live in a lopsided triangle. I live with Anya, who loves me. I love her, but I love Spike more. Spike loves me, too, but he's gone.
Yep, gone. Gone where the woodbine twineth, like my grandmother used to say. That was her polite way of saying 'how the hell do I know?'
I went looking for him, as soon as we got back from New Orleans. He wasn't in the crypt, or the mansion, or any other of his boltholes. All I found was my Patsy Cline tape, cued to In Care of the Blues. I know that means something, but what?
I've got to find him, to tell him...what? That I didn't know? Well, I didn't, but I didn't want to, either. That I love him, too? Yeah, I sure showed him how much I loved him, didn't I? That it's him that I want? Uh huh. That's why I married Anya with his come sliding down the back of my thighs. That I'm sorry?
I think Anya suspects something. God knows things haven't been right since we got back from the Big Easy. As an ex-vengeance demon she's probably got some leftover your-cheatin'-heart radar or something.
All I know is, we're all unhappy, and we all deserve better than this. I made the mess, I'll clean it up. Somehow.
I told you good-bye
but now at night I wake up and cry
I wish I knew a way to find the love
I threw away so carelessly ~
lyrics from Billie Holiday's Carelessly
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