Disclaimer: It may come as a surprise but I'm not Joss Whedon or Mutant Enemy and therefore I do not own Spike or any of his many shagging and verbal sparring partners. I weep for the injustice of it all and play with these characters in the fiction I write because this is pretty much all the fun I have.

Beta'd by [info]kitty_poker1

This is for [info]darkhavens' birthday.

Thrown Out Of The Closet


There was something to be said about a nice, dark closet. You could hide away from everyone making asses of themselves at the New Year's Eve party going on just outside because it was a bother, sometimes, keeping on the facade of happiness, keeping your secrets from everyone while they went on, happy and oblivious. You could spend time thinking about heavy things.

You could make out with your secret, vampire boyfriend who kissed and fucked like nobody else you'd ever been with.

Xander moaned and clutched Spike's hips to his own as he thrust up and ground their erections together. Spike's tongue fucked his mouth as his body moved against Xander's.

They'd been in this closet for a few minutes. They'd managed to sneak away when no one was looking. Not that anyone was looking there were nothing but drunk people outside and it was relatively easy.

It was nearing midnight and the gang was excited and growing rowdier by the moment.

When Joyce had pinched Giles' ass, Xander knew it was time to get out of there while the getting was good.

So, here he was. He was sitting in the bottom of the closet with a horny vampire writhing on top of him, kissing him like the world was ending.

It was like Y2K all over again. Except for, well, the vampire kissing part.

Spike groaned and wrenched his mouth away. "Someone's coming."

"That would be me in a minute."

Spike smacked him on the head. "No, you daft git, someone's outside the door."

Xander's heart raced, he licked his lips. He shoved Spike off his lap and stood up. Spike glared up at him in the darkness, rubbing a bruised hip but Xander couldn't see it.

"What are we gonna do?"

Spike rolled his eyes and rose fluidly to his feet. He backed Xander against a wall. "Could come out of the bleedin' closet already."

"No, no, no, no, no. I don't think so. They'd never understand. Plus, they're all drunk and I'd probably have to explain it all again tomorrow, with hang-overs aplenty and sour moods to match. I...think we should wait."

Spike sighed. It was a familiar story. Xander was so afraid of being called a pouf he never wanted to tell anyone about them.

They'd been secretly 'dating' for nearly a year and he still couldn't grow the bollocks to tell his friends.

It was more than enough to start Spike thinking he should just leave the boy, already. He didn't want to be a dirty secret forever.

But when Xander made those moaning noises in the back of his throat and whimpered and gasped under Spike's tongue, or when Spike fucked him oh so slowly, it made him forget about this unappealing aspect of their relationship and he found he couldn't let him go.

The promise of a good tumble or even a good snog weakened him, turned him into more of a pouf.

He was so easy.

Someone fell against the door, giggling, and Spike rolled his eyes.

"We'd best get out there then, if you don't want to get ruddy outed." He opened the door, pushing the laughing body out of the way, and stepped out without another look at Xander.

Riley glared drunkenly up at Spike, but burst out laughing and forgot to be hostile toward him as his beer spilled down the front of his shirt instead of going in his mouth as he'd intended.

Spike sighed.

Xander followed him more slowly and got himself another drink. You couldn't be too drunk at one of these things and he wanted to get toasted.

Maybe he'd get the courage to do something about Spike's unhappiness.


Spike and Xander were both plastered. They hung on each other, giggled, played with one another's hair and sang in out-of-key harmony snatches of Christmas songs that had the others raising their glasses and encoring.

God, everyone was so wasted.

Buffy stumbled toward the kitchen, falling over Riley, who'd grabbed onto her leg. He still hadn't moved from his position by the closet door. She laughed down at him and dragged him very easily into the kitchen.

Willow was making out lewdly with a surprisingly uninhibited, drunk Tara while Joyce watched on wide-eyed, having forgotten Giles for the moment.

Giles, however, had refilled his glass with scotch and was weaving his way to Xander and Spike, who were nearly entwined in a corner of the couch.

"Xander! Spike! Are you enjoying this as much as I am? Because, I have to bloody tell you, being drunk is the bleedin' bees knees! We should do this more often. The celebration of an inane holiday is good fun."

Spike snickered in Xander's ear. "Rupert, you old sot. You're drunk!"

Giles looked affronted, then broke into high-pitched laughter. He pointed a finger at Spike, his glass sloshing its contents onto his shirt front as the other hand brought it closer to his chest. "You're not wrong, vampire. And did you also know that it's nearing midnight? Time for all good little boys to get snogged."

Xander's eyes widened. Even in his drunken haze he knew that that was wrong somehow. But he didn't move, he couldn't. Spike wrapped him tightly in his arms and growled.

"He's mine, Rupie! Can't touch him. You can't snog him, either, you dirty old git."

Giles actually pouted. "Oh, you're absolutely no fun. All those things I read about you in the Watcher's diaries are utter bollocks, aren't they? Debauchery and mayhem and orgies, my arse."

"What? I am so fun! What'd they say exactly?" Spike shoved Xander out of his arms and Xander fell face down on the sofa, reflexes impaired and useless.

Giles led Spike off into one of the other rooms and Xander was left alone.

He sighed sadly, then got up, eyes brightening, as he saw Graham and Oz having a drinking game.

Maybe he'd go do that. That looked like fun.


Oh, God, he was so drunk. Durnk, Drnk, Drrrrruuuuuuuunk.

He had lost the drinking game. Going up against a werewolf and a soldier who had the constitution of an elephant was never a good idea.

He fell out of his chair, causing the twosome to giggle like hyenas and then crawled his way down the hall to the dining room.

The clock began to strike midnight and he figured he'd better find his vampire so they could smooch in the new year, all traditional like.

He blinked, sat up, and leaned heavily against the wall as he found his vampire. His vampire was kissing the face off Giles.


Spike pulled his mouth from Giles' and grinned at Xander. "Xanny! Lookit who I brung in the new year with? Old Rupe here's got quite the experienced tongue in his head. Give 'im a try."

Xander scrunched up his face. "Eww. He's like...my father figure, Spike. That's gross."

Spike licked his lips and moved to pick Xander up. He set him on his feet and yanked him over to Giles, who seemed to have an unearthly excited gleam in his eyes.

Xander resisted but was no match for the strength of even a chipped vampire. "Take it like a man, pet."

"But I don't wanna!"

Giles took Xander in his arms and said softly, "Happy new year, Xander."

And then Giles' lips were on his own, a tongue making its way into his mouth and Xander froze for a moment. After a second, he began to respond and wondered why he'd been so against this.

Who the hell cared if Giles was his pseudo father? He could kiss nearly as well as Spike.

"Oh, pet, you're a sight, you are. Never knew what you looked like snogging your guts out like that but now that I do..."

Giles released him and smiled and then left to make merry elsewhere.

Spike and Xander turned to each other, then fell into each other's arms and began to make out like there was no tomorrow.

Spike slammed Xander into the dining table, then pushed him over it and began to thrust against him.

"Oh, God, Spike," Xander gasped, spreading his legs and wrapping them around Spike's waist. He grabbed Spike's ass and massaged the buttocks in his hands as Spike continued to rotate his hips.

In the background, Xander could hear the countdown continue. Three, two, one. And he arched and came beneath Spike, sending his orgasm into the front of his jeans.

He threw back his head, Spike latched onto his neck and sucked hard to create a dark red blossom of heat that would mark him for days.

Spike ground down against him and Xander felt it as his cock spasmed in his own pants.

They panted. They lay there for a long time, unable to move.

It was probably the quickest orgasm either of them had ever had.

And then:

"Oh. My. God! Spike? What the hell are you doing to Xander!? On mom's table!" Buffy screeched from the doorway, weaving to and fro in her inebriated state.

Xander started and tried to push the vampire off him but was unsuccessful. Spike pressed deeper into his body and began to lick his neck and purr.

Stupid vampire.

"It's not what it looks like!"

Spike stopped licking him.

Buffy arched a brow and then other faces appeared behind her, wondering at the commotion. Giles, Willow, Tara, Riley, Graham, Oz, Joyce.


"And just what is it, Xander?" An almost sober Willow asked, leaning on her girlfriend.

Spike hissed, "Yeah, pet, how are you going to explain this away?"

Xander looked at Spike, then at the group staring holes into his skin with their beady little judgemental eyes. He sighed and pushed at Spike, who moved off him and sat on the table, pulling out a cigarette.

"Spike, you can't smoke that in here," Buffy snapped.

Spike arched an eyebrow but put away the cigarette he'd just taken from his pocket.

"Well?" Willow demanded.

"Ummm...Spike was performing CPR?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Vampires don't breathe, genius."

Xander flushed. His inebriation had worn off enough to allow him to be embarrassed but not enough for him to come up with a good reason why he and Spike were making out and humping on Joyce's dining room table.

Spike glared at him and jumped off the table. "Well, this has been a bloody brilliant evening. Don't bother explaining, Harris. There's nothing to explain." He looked to the others. "There's not a bloody thing to explain. There's nothing happening. And nothing happened on that table right there or in your coat closet."

Buffy screwed up her face and moved to the side to allow Spike by when he strode toward the doorway. "Ewww. Mom, we're going to have to burn that table. I don't care if it is antique and worth, like, a lot. Hey, we could sell it on ebay!"

"We're not selling the dining room table, Buffy. It was your great grandmother's. We'll just...disinfect it. A lot," Joyce said, wringing her hands as she watched Spike walk slowly, shoulders slumped, toward the front door.

Xander leapt off the table and rushed past everyone. He grabbed Spike's arm before the vampire could reach the door knob and turned him around. "Spike?" he said softly, inquiringly.

"What?" Spike didn't look at him, he looked at the group watching them.

Music played in the background, the tv was still on, every light in the house seemed to be on. Dawn was sneaking out of her room and peering through the spaces in the bannister.

They were all still drunk, reactions a little delayed, and he idly wondered what they'd think and how they'd react tomorrow.

Xander took a deep breath and kissed him.

Spike opened his mouth automatically, unable to resist for long, and wound his arms around Xander's shoulders.

When the kiss was over, Xander turned around, face flushed, body a-tingle, and said, "Spike and I have been together for ten months. Deal with it. I have nothing else to say."

Then he took his vampire and left, lacing their fingers together and holding his hand all the way to his apartment.

Everyone stared bemused after the newly outed couple, then turned to the table.

Buffy grimaced, Riley looked green around the gills and the others looked amused.

Spike grinned like a madman all the way home.

Finally. Finally, the boy had gotten some balls.

And when they eventually got to the apartment, he rewarded the boy accordingly. He cupped the newly grown balls and suckled them until Xander screamed and begged to have his cock sucked.

And then he fucked him and they both passed out into a satiated, drunken slumber.

Here Endeth the Story

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