This is Spander-ish. No sex. It's a fluffy little bit of a thing with scarring for life on Xander's part but also? It's got some ickyness that I couldn't even write in detail. Which was good, really. It involves a certain slayer and watcher *gag* but, yay for me not writing details. I don't even think I would write something like that and I'm not squicked easily. *has nightmares*

Disclaimer: It may come as a surprise but I'm not Joss Whedon or Mutant Enemy and therefore I do not own Spike or any of his many shagging and verbal sparring partners. I weep for the injustice of it all and play with these characters in the fiction I write because this is pretty much all the fun I have.

Beta'd by [info]kitty_poker1

Things You Never Want to See


Xander stared, entire existence frozen, through the slightly open door, fingers squeezing the frame tightly. He was unable to move, to breathe, to do, well, anything but stare. And stare he did.

His wide, unblinking eyes were trained on the scene before him like it was a train wreck or somebody being murdered. It might as well have been for the horror he felt and the sick, twisted rolling his stomach was doing.

Once he regained use of his limbs he quickly backed away from the door and left as silently as possible as to not alert anyone of his presence.

He went home in a daze, wondering how he'd ever face them again.

If he'd even scrounge up enough courage to want to face them again.


He did his nightly routine on automatic pilot, barely aware of his surroundings or of the vampire parked on his couch watching a rerun of Judge Judy.

"What's got your ass in a knot?"

Xander didn't bother with an answer. He hadn't been able to speak since...earlier that afternoon. He thought he'd lost the use of his vocal chords.

It must've been the shock.

He went to bed, not noticing when Spike frowned after him, a concerned expression on his face.


An hour later, Xander was no closer to getting to sleep when he felt the bed depress under Spike's weight. He shifted slightly, frowned, and remained stiff and tensed. He pulled the blanket up to his chin.

Spike wiggled, then proceeded to move toward Xander, his luke-warm body heat noticeable in the warm cocoon Xander's body had formed.

"Luv?" A hand caressed his shoulder.

Xander shrugged it off and moved closer to the edge of the bed, away from the vampire. "I'm tired, Spike."

"Something wrong?"

The boy tensed further, mind focusing on what exactly was wrong; goose bumps broke out all over his body as he shuddered in revulsion.

"Not a thing. Goodnight, Spike."

That should've meant a finish to the conversation and everything else for the night but Spike never did know when to quit.

Xander felt him move closer, his naked body pressing against his clothed back. Spike slid an arm around his waist and kissed the nape of his neck.

That was his way of saying 'I want to shag now, Xanpet'.

Xander swallowed hard, cock responding to Spike's seduction despite the fact that his mind was disgusted and not in the mood.

Stupid, stupid dick.

"I said no, Spike," he said, trying to push the vampire away.

Spike propped himself up on one elbow, staring down at Xander confusedly. When the boy didn't want to shag he knew there was definitely something not quite right. "You're going to tell me what's wrong and you're going to do it now."

"Shut up. Just leave me alone. Don't want to talk about it. Want to forget about it. Boy, do I want to forget."

"Ah ha! So there is something. Knew it. Spill, pet. Just tell me what's the matter so I can help."

He was close to giving into Spike but he knew there was nothing the vampire could do to help him. Nothing could help.

He sighed. "You can't do anything. Just...leave me alone for a few days."

"A few days," Spike sputtered. "Oh, I don't think so. Something's really wrong and we're going to talk it out and fix it so I can shag you unconscious. Tell me."

Xander turned to look at Spike, dark eyes grave and empty of the emotions Spike had come to know and love. "You really want to know? I don't think I can tell you..."

"Oh, luv, c'mon. You can tell me anything, remember? We're partners in this...relationship, whatever it is."


Spike growled softly and then shoved a hand down the front of Xander's boxers to cup the noticeable erection. He ground his hard cock against Xander's ass. "You can't tell me you're not in the mood. I can bloody well feel it; can smell it, how much you want me."

"Just because I'm horny doesn't mean I'm in the mood!" Xander carefully extracted the groping hand from his shorts and shoved Spike away. "Now, leave me alone. I'm going to sleep. Go out and kill something if that'll help but don't touch me."

"That makes abso-bloody-lutely no sense!" Spike's lips tightened, then he crawled naked from the bed and jerkily pulled on his clothes. "Fine. If that's what you want I'll go. Fuck you, Xander."


Xander lay there a long time, near tears. He and Spike didn't fight much -- about serious things -- but when they did it tore him apart. He sighed and flipped onto his back. Shutting his eyes, he hoped to fall asleep and let his problems go for a while.

He'd talk to Spike when he got back. He had to mend things between them.

He swallowed hard. He might even tell Spike what had probably scarred him for life.

Spike was safe.

Spike was love.

Spike was everything.

And yeah, Spike was right. He could make everything better if Xander would just let him.


He gave up trying to sleep after three hours of tossing and turning, finally getting up and going into the living room to watch some mindless tv when he couldn't take the silence anymore.

He channel surfed. Infomercials and reruns of old crappy shows he didn't like when they were originally aired were the only things he could find on.

Xander sighed, slumping down into the cushions. He dug his toes into the soft carpet and wondered why he'd been the one to be witness to what he'd seen earlier in the day.

He wished Spike would get home so he could be comforted.


Xander woke abruptly when he felt the remote being taken from his clenched hand. He opened bleary eyes to blink sleepily at Spike, who was gazing down at him fondly.

"Hello, pet."

He smiled. "Hi."

"You want to go to bed? This can't be comfortable."

Xander stretched, yawned, then stood up. "Yeah, I guess so. Spike?"


"I'm sorry about earlier."

Spike smiled, looking contrite. "Ditto, luv."

Spike took him by the hand, lead him into the bedroom and then tucked him in like he'd wished his mother would have when he was little.

"Be right back," the vampire murmured, before heading into the bathroom.

Xander heard the shower turn on and Spike washed whatever demon innards and/or dust he'd gotten on him patrolling.

Moments later, the door opened and Xander heaved his eyelids open with some difficulty to watch steam billow out around a naked Spike drying himself off with a towel.

He flipped back the covers invitingly as he watched the vampire exit the bathroom.

Spike grinned at him and tossed the wet towel to the floor. He got into bed with Xander and pushed his damp, temporarily hot body against the boy. He rubbed his erection into Xander's hip.

"You wanna tell me what earlier was all about? Your little snit."

Xander sighed, eyes opening wide as he woke fully. "Well...I saw something I didn't want to see. I mean, really didn't want to see. It, like, defies all the laws of logic and the universe! I wish I could rub the part of my brain that remembers it with steel wool; a lobotomy would be nice."

"What was it, pet?" Spike mumbled into the skin of Xander's shoulder as he tucked himself into the boy's side and laid his head on Xander's chest.

He took a deep breath, forcing himself to unclench and relax. "I saw..." he gulped hard. "IsawBuffyandGileshavingsexintheMagicBoxtodayafterIgotoffwork."

Spike frowned, trying to pick out individual words from the long stream of babble that had burst from Xander's mouth. His eyebrows crawled up his forehead and his jaw dropped once he'd finally deciphered what Xander had said. He tensed, cock softening slightly.

"You saw the old watcher and the slayer shagging? Bloody hell, are you alright? No wonder you didn't want me to touch you. Don't blame you, pet. Bugger."

"Yeah," Xander muttered, turning over. "It's like seeing my dad and my...oh God, my dad and sister having sex and I so didn't want to think about it like that. I mean, why would they--when did they start--eww, God, this is just...it's horrible! Kill me, please?"

The vampire made a face. "Don't want you dead. Think I want me dead, though. Shit, Xander." Spike spooned up against his back, flaccid cock pressing against Xander's ass. He waited a few minutes before breaking the silence that had settled between them. "So..."

"Hmmm?" Xander closed his eyes and snuggled back into Spike's embrace.

Spike wrapped an arm around him and pulled him tightly to his body. "When are we going to get to have sex again?"

Xander grimaced. "I don't know, Spike. Ask me when I don't have visions of Buffy's near naked body on a table underneath Giles with his naked ass grinding away into...oh God, I can't even say it. Just...give me a few days."

Spike swallowed. "Yeah, I think...four days?"

"That might be good. Plus, I don't want to go on patrol or into the Magic Box for, like, a month. At least not anywhere near either of them."

"No argument from me, pet."

Here Endeth the Story

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