This is what I came up with *coughI'mlyingcough* for the 200th post I've made. This isn't technically the 200th, though, it's the 205th. But close enough, right? lmao.

[info]darkhavens gave me the idea to do a fic, and also the idea of what to do for the fic. The gift idea thing? Totally [info]toobusy2write's. So, basically? I had nothing to do with this fic. Huh.

Beta'd by [info]kitty_poker1 who said that it was fluffy and sweet. I'm officially a diabetic from writing it. So...it's, umm...fluffy and sweet? Get ready for cavities, people.



The Big Two-Double-Zero


by
Eyezrthewindows


Spike grunted, brushing ineffectually with a limp hand at something that was tickling his nose and ruining his beauty sleep. He growled when it didn't go away and frowned at the giggle that followed.

He knew that wasn't him. Must've been his sweet pet. He certainly giggled.

What the fuck was Xander doing interrupting his sleep? The boy knew what that did to him.

He snorted, twitched, shifted and moved away from him. As much as he loved him, Xander could be a real pain in the ass sometimes.

Spike often wondered if he could find a doctor to prescribe the boy Ritalin. Then again, it might not work on his metabolism. Consorts were notoriously immune to anything their vampire lovers were and Spike was certainly immune to that -- he knew that for a fact; Drusilla had strange ideas of foreplay.

He settled in and tried to go back to sleep but the tickling came back with a vengeance. He frowned hard, tensed, accidentally inhaled and then got a nose full of soft fibres that made even his preternatural physiology revolt.

He folded forward and sneezed with so much force the entire bed moved and his body shook with aftershocks. He sniffed after he slumped back, nostrils still tickling and burning.

He cracked open a weary bloodshot eye, barely able to make out the boy's grinning form kneeling beside their bed. Was he wearing a hat? Was that a feather duster? "The fuck are you doing, Xan? Trying sleep here," he muttered, eye falling shut. It was much too heavy to keep open. Felt like it weighed a thousand pounds.

He couldn't be bothered to care what the boy was up to. He was too tired and it was still early in the day for a vampire.

"C'mon, Spike, I can't wait anymore. Get up," Xander whined, moving closer with feather duster in hand.

Spike growled again, turned his back and pulled the covers up over his head. "Go 'way. Come back when I've slept some more. Too g'damn early, pet."

Xander pouted under his cardboard hat. "But, honey baby bear, it's a special day today. You gotta get up. I waited as long as I could. I even cleaned and you know I don't like doing that."

One of the vampire's eyes popped open from beneath the blanket he had clutched in his hands. Honey baby bear?

Special day?

Xander had been cleaning?

Had hell frozen over? Had the boy been put under a spell?

"What are you on, Xan, so I can tie you up in a corner and let you come down before you hurt someone?"

Xander's lower lip trembled. He sighed then turned his back on the huddled, stubborn vampire. "Nothing. Nevermind. It was probably a bad idea."

At the dejected tone in the boy's voice Spike sighed to himself and rolled back over to face him. He looked at his sullen consort for a moment, taking in the little hat sitting precariously atop his head and the feather duster that had been used in waking him grasped tightly in one hand. Spike pursed his lips and decided that laughing at the ridiculous way his pet looked would be a bad idea.

Naked, with a little cardboard hat and a duster? Not the sexiest image in the world.

He bit his lip hard and affected a concerned expression -- because he was concerned. "Don't be that way. You know how I am when I'm woken up before I wake up on my own. What's wrong?"

Xander very pointedly refused to look at the vampire, tucked his knees under his chin and clutched the feather duster to his chest.

Spike frowned. Now he knew something was wrong. And it was him that had created the wrong.

Normally he'd have been happy about doing wrong but in this case...not so much.

He sat up, pulled Xander forcibly up onto the bed and tucked him under the blanket with him. Feathers tickled his nose and he spat out the ones that went into his mouth. "What's all this, then, eh? Tell me so I can fix it."

Xander raised the biggest, saddest, love-filled eyes Spike had ever encountered, lower lip trembling and wet -- Spike wanted to suckle it but forced himself not to. "It was supposed to be a surprise but you wouldn't get up."

"Oh?"

He had no idea what the boy was talking about but he'd go along with it for now.

"Yeah. See...I called Angel..."

Spike tensed. Calling of the sire couldn't be a good thing. "You did, did you?" His arms tightened around his consort as he thought back on how Angel had confessed -- while drunk and in a rare moment of honesty between them -- to being attracted to Xander for years before Spike Claimed him. Old poufter had better not've tried anything. Xander was his. "What'd you need the old git for? You know you can come to me for anything..."

"Not this." Xander worried that plump, wet bottom lip between his teeth. "See, I wanted to find out something that only he could tell me. It was a few months ago, though, and nothing's happened. Don't worry about Angel. I don't want him anymore, Spike. I want you."

Spike's eyes blazed golden, nostrils flaring as his temper rose. He rolled the boy underneath him, pinning him, dislodging his jauntily positioned hat. "Anymore?" he snarled.

Xander rolled his eyes. "I had a crush on him in high school. It was long before you, Spike. I got over it about the time you turned up in Sunnydale again."

Spike relaxed minutely, eyes narrowed and trained on Xander's face for signs of any falsehoods the boy might've been telling him. Finding none, his body uncoiled and he positioned himself between the boy's thighs suggestively. He nuzzled Xander's neck, grinding his awakening cock into Xander's. "As long as that's clear. And...seeing as we're here..."

Xander moaned, eyelashes fluttering. He arched, then choked back a groan and frantically pushed Spike off him. "No. Can't do that now. It'll spoil everything. Get off, Spike."

"That's what I was trying to do!" he exclaimed peevishly, gritting his teeth, but removing his body from Xander's. He slumped sulking and unfulfilled beside the boy. "Go on with it, then. What's so important that it can't wait for a nice, hard shag? Better be bloody good."

"It is, Spike. It really is." Xander's dark eyes gleamed and he was leaping from the bed, retrieving his slightly crumpled party hat and leaving the room. He returned minutes later with a chocolate cake smothered in what looked like red sauce and too many tiny candles for Spike to be comfortable with.

Spike edged warily away, holding up a hand to stop the boy from coming any closer. "Er, pet, why don't I get out of bed and you stay where you are? Don't want to catch any highly combustibles on fire, right?"

Xander pouted but nodded after a moment. "Oh, yeah. That makes sense." He kneeled and set his prize on the carpet, looking at Spike expectantly when he'd placed it carefully in front of him. "Come on, make a wish, blow out the candles!"

Spike frowned, crossing his arms. "What's this about?"

"It's August twentieth, Spike!"

The vampire blinked. Stared. Blinked again. It couldn't be. "Er..."

"Happy two-hundredth birthday!"

Spike was flummoxed. And for the first time in two hundred years he was too shocked to say anything. So he uncrossed his arms, stood up and moved as close as was safe to Xander and the blazing cake.

He was so unbelievably touched at his pet's thoughtfulness. He hadn't had anyone care like this since his dear old mum two centuries ago. No one else had even known his birthday, so he'd thought.

Angel. His sire actually knew something like that about him. Remembered it after all this time.

An irrational spark of anger lashed through him.

Angel hadn't said a damn word about his birthday in all the time Spike had known him. Hadn't given him presents or said happy birthday or given him a birthday shag or a pretty girl in a dress to eat or anything. Hadn't let on that he'd known at all.

That pissed him off.

"Spike?" The tentative question from his beloved consort pulled him from his angry thoughts.

"Luv...I can't believe you did this...you didn't have to." He didn't know what else to say, so he grabbed Xander's head with one hand and crushed their mouths together.

After a lengthy kiss bordering on porny and too-hot-for-television, Spike released the boy and settled back on his haunches. He was unbelievably happy at this moment. He had his boy, his boy cared for him and...well, that was all he needed right now.

Xander's eyes were dilated and glassy and his lip was swollen and red and wet with Spike's saliva. A tongue flickered out to taste the flesh Spike had just been sucking on. "Maybe you're right, Spike. Let's fuck. The party can wait."

Spike chuckled, holding back the boy. He couldn't believe he was actually going to turn down a shag. But he was.

He ignored his own arousal and Xander's and took a deep breath. "Think I'd really like to see what you've got in store for me today, pet. It's the first time in two centuries anyone's cared enough to do this for me. Like to see how it plays out. It's different, you know."

Xander brushed off his arousal and pecked Spike gently on the lips. He squeezed the vampire's hand. "Just blow out the candles."

So, Spike did. It took several breaths, even for him, and the help of his pet but they finally got all the blazing candles blown out without a lot of fanfare. And Spike didn't even catch on fire, which was a plus.

"What's all this red stuff, pet?" Spike asked as he scented it warily. Xander wasn't known for his culinary expertise.

"Oh...it's strawberry sauce...I kinda wanted some too or I'd've put blood on it instead. I hope you don't mind..."

"'Course, I don't. Know how much you love chocolate, luv."

They each ate a piece of cake, washing it down with milk and blood respectively. And then it came time for gift giving.

Xander pushed Spike down onto the bed. "I want to suck your cock."

Spike swallowed hard, cock twitching and lengthening against his thigh. He didn't argue, didn't fight -- why would he? He let Xander suck him down, closing his eyes as bliss stole over him. Pleasure knotted his spine, tensed his muscles, made him cry out and finally cum inside Xander's mouth.

As he lay there panting and wishing every day were his birthday, Xander left the room again.

He couldn't really be bothered to wonder where the boy had gone because his brains had been sucked out his cock and he hadn't recovered enough from the intense orgasm he'd just had to worry.

Xander returned with an ornate box about the size of an old hat box of Victorian times. He set it beside the replete vampire and sat down beside it. Then, he just stared at Spike.

"C'mere, pet," Spike murmured, lifting a hand to comb his fingers through long, thick hair and pulling Xander's face down to his own. He kissed Xander, tasting and enjoying himself on the other man's lips and then released him. "What's that?"

"Open it."

Spike forced his body up, wondering if his muscles hadn't turned to jelly from Xander's expert blow job. He ran a hand over the smooth, velvety material, enjoying the feel, and assessing it silently. He wondered what it could be.

"Spike!"

He grinned at Xander's impatience fondly. That much hadn't changed at all over the decades they'd been together. "Patience."

Xander growled.

Spike slowly opened the box.

There was an oddly shaped leather steering wheel cover decorated with red and orange flames, a pair of leather driving gloves, an air freshener with that Tazmanian Devil character on it that stuck to the dash instead of hanging from the mirror and a set of keys on a keychain.

He fingered the S keychain for a moment, then looked up. "Pet?"

Xander chewed his lip anxiously. "Yeah?"

"What's this?"

"Car stuff."

"Don't have a car anymore, remember? Been bumming a ride with you for the last year."

"I know."

"Xander."

Xander put the lid back on the box and carefully set it on the floor beside the bed. He crawled into Spike's lap and began to rub his body against the vampire's.

"Can't show you your real present till after sunset. We've got hours till then, Spike," he practically purred, shoving his tongue into Spike's mouth without prelude.

Spike moaned, latched onto Xander's moving, liquid hips and lay back without comment.

His pet was right. They had hours until sunset.


~*~*~*~*~



Spike was dragged from sleep abruptly when Xander leapt out of bed and began pulling clothes over his beautiful, naked skin. He blinked, watching with disapproval as his lover was covered, and then sighed and sat up. He ran a hand through his hair.

It was evident there wouldn't be a sixth round.

"In a hurry?"

"Yes!" the boy practically yelled, bouncing in place, vibrating with excitement, waiting for the vampire.

So, Spike got dressed, an amused grin on his face.

He loved Xander when he got like this.


~*~*~*~*~



"Tell me why I have to be blindfolded again?" Spike grumbled grumpily as he was lead out to the garage by an exuberant Xander.

"Because it's supposed to be a surprise, that's why!" Xander insisted again.

Spike sighed.

And then they stopped. He could hear Xander unlocking the door and pushing the button to raise the garage door. Then he was being lead inside it.

He couldn't make out anything but a slight difference in brightness as the garage lights shone slightly through the blindfold. That irked him. He wasn't used to not seeing in the dark.

"Can I take this off yet, pet?"

"Just a minute," Xander panted, then moved away from him again to do something that made noise.

There was rustling and rushed footsteps and a door creaked open and then Xander was walking past him and out of the garage. He was tempted to peek but since Xander had been so excited and wanted it to be a surprise...

Oh, how the mighty had fallen and grown soft with being in love with a mortal who had a bright and shiny giving soul.

He grinned. He wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

When Xander finally returned, there was more noise and finally silence. The only thing Spike could hear was the frantic beating of Xander's heart.

"Pet?"

"O-okay, umm...I'm gonna remove your blindfold now but I want you to keep your eyes closed till I say, okay?"

"Alright."

The cloth was slipped from his face and tucked into one of Xander's pockets. He hugged Spike from behind, pressing close against his body. He took a deep breath.

"Umm...okay. You can open 'em now. I guess."

Spike heard the nervousness but as he opened his eyes and focused on what was in front of him everything faded away in lieu of amazement.

He stared at the car, noted the over-sized giant bow draped across the top and that Xander had placed all of the other gifts where they belonged. The steering wheel cover was in place with his leather gloves waiting. Taz was haphazardly stuck down near the gear shift, as unobtrusive as he could be.

"Well?"

Spike turned reluctantly from what was possibly the best present he'd ever received. "Oh, pet." And to his horror his eyes started to fill and his voice cracked with emotion. He grabbed his consort and kissed the breath out of him. He didn't let him go as he turned back to his new car. "Where did you get such an ruddy brilliant replica? It even has the same tee-tops and stick-shift. Not to mention the round gear shift knob and the doe-skin interior. And the license plate: Knight!"

He could've gone on all day about the front nose guard and the rare fifteen inch aluminum rims with very authentic looking black bowling ball hub-cabs, the black-out tail-lights and the specialized bumper, the off-center cowl induction hood...but he'd sound like a real nerd.

"Umm...look closer, Spike."

Spike did as his boy asked, taking hold of a warm hand because he didn't want to let go. He inspected the car thoroughly with bright eyes.

The dash held a single monitor reminscent of the television series in the late third and fourth seasons. TURBO BOOST and OIL SLICK, PARACHUTTE and CONVERTIBLE, AUTOPILOT and UNDERWATER CONVERSION were but a few items listed near red buttons and silver switches on the dash board.

"A Gull Wing steering wheel?! Those are bloody rare." Spike exclaimed, bending down and running a hand over one side of the steering wheel, savouring the feel of the leather of the new cover with shaking fingers. As his eyes passed over the gear shift to the console again he noticed something. He frowned, letting go of Xander's hand to lean further inside to get a better look. His eyes widened as he saw what was written on the panel. "Xan?" he whispered.

Xander grinned, rocking on heels, hands now in his pockets. "Yes, Spike?"

The vampire swallowed around an incredibly dry throat, eyes trained on the signature written in gold ink. "This isn't a replica, is it?"

"Nope."

Spike shot out of the car and grabbed Xander. He rubbed his entire body against the boy's, kissing every inch of skin that got near his mouth. "How in the bloody hell'd you get this? Thought this would've been long gone in a junk yard by now."

"Well, the show's producer took it initially, after having Hasselhoff sign it for authenticity or something, then passed it to his daughter, who gave it to her son. It stayed in storage for decades and when he finally died in a freak accident his warehouse was opened and looked through and it was found. Wasn't in good condition but...all the original pieces were there and records on where to get replacements were in the car. I got it for a song on Ebay because no one knew what the hell it was. Had it fixed up, laminated the signature to preserve it, hid it in storage for six months and now here we are."

"My God, pet. Have I mentioned that I love you dearly?"

Xander grinned. "Once or twice."

Spike turned back to the car, then pushed Xander into it and shoved him into the driver's seat. The boy's eyes widened as Spike forced the chair back until it was nearly in the backseat, then he opened Xander's pants.

"S-spike, what are you doing?"

"What's it look like? Giving you a reward. This is the best bloody present I've ever gotten. Want to thank you properly, I do." Spike crawled into the front floorwell between Xander's spread legs and pulled out the hard cock waiting for him. He licked the head teasingly, looking up from beneath sooty eyelashes. "Can't believe you did this for me."

Xander arched as Spike nearly inhaled him down to the root, grabbed onto the back of Spike's head and faintly wished the vampire hadn't taken it into his mind to shave his head this year -- he didn't have anything to hold on to.

"You're worth it, Spike."

Spike hummed around the shaft in his mouth and quickly brought his consort to a shuddering climax. He licked him clean, then crawled up into his lap and straddled the boy's hips. He kissed Xander, plunged his tongue inside the boy's mouth and let him taste himself.

He rubbed his own erection into Xander's quiescent groin. "Going to have lots of fun with this car."

Xander panted, hands clenched on Spike's slim hips, eyes closed, head resting in the hole of the open head-rest. "Can't believe you just blew me in Michael Knight's car."

"It'll happen a lot if I have anything to say about it, pet. And a lot more than a simple suck job's going to happen in here." The vampire leered, rotating his hips.

Xander groaned. "Nothing simple about that blow job, Spike."

"Happy birthday to me," Spike sing-songed, lowering his face to Xander's neck to suck on the sweaty flesh, subtly rubbing his forehead against the fabric of the doe-skin seat back and enjoying the sensation.

He couldn't wait to take KITT for a ride; then take Xander for one in KITT. He'd bring towels so the seats wouldn't get semen all over them. Wouldn't do for them to get stained.

He could picture himself having lots of fun in this car.




Here Endeth the Story

Author's note: For anyone unfamiliar with KITT and Michael Knight they came from the show Knight Rider (was popular 1984-1986 or something like that). It reruns on the Scifi channel at some point during the day. Spike also mentioned KITT in Angel season 5. I forget which episode, though.





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