Disclaimer: It may come as a surprise but I'm not Joss Whedon or Mutant Enemy and therefore I do not own Spike or any of his many shagging and verbal sparring partners. I weep for the injustice of it all and play with these characters in the fiction I write because this is pretty much all the fun I have.

Beta'd by [info]kitty_poker1

"Not only does she combine hot-hot-hot sex with fabulous humor and biting sarcasm, but she has the characters DEAD-ON!!! And this fic, well it's just the creme-de-la-creme of her work."



In his long life, Spike had done a lot of strange things, lot of kinky things too, but one thing he'd never done was walk into a designated area, stick his dick through a hole in the wall and get blown anonymously.

He figured it was high time he did. He was a man of the world, a creature of the night, and he'd lived far too long without an experience like that.

Plus, it would make for a nice change to not have to deal with the person who'd done the blowing afterward. Sometimes, he just didn't feel like playing nice.

So, through the demon grapevine he found a place that catered to demons and humans alike and stole a car to get there -- the original owners wouldn't miss it; it was a Jaguar and they could buy a new one in no time. Insurance would probably pay more than it was worth, anyway, since it was at least eight years old.

The wind in his hair, the music cranked up high, he shouted along with the lyrics and felt the anticipation build inside him, especially in the lower region of his body.

His cock was hard. Had been that way since he'd set off on this little excursion. Had been that way since the idea had niggled its way into his brain like a little brain-eating worm and settled there, not to be dislodged.

Not that he'd wanted to forget it once he'd gotten hold of the idea. It was intriguing.


The image was powerful in his mind and he leaked a steady stream of precum into the crotch of his jeans -- they were soaked with it.

He gripped himself with his right hand and drove white-knuckled with his left, eyes unblinking and intent on the road. He stopped singing and turned down the volume just a hair and moistened his lips.

Glanced into the rear view mirror, through where his own reflection should've been, and into the dark night and endless stretch of highway.

There was no one around. It was still thirty-eight miles away.

He might as well have a nice quick wank so he could get his money's worth. If he didn't he'd pop in two minutes, if he was lucky, and the bloke doing the blowing would probably laugh around his mouthful of premature cum.

It was difficult with his right hand because that wasn't his wanking hand but it would have to do. He'd learn to be ambidextrous later, though, to make his life more convenient.

He was sure there were a lot of good things he could do if he could use both hands.

As his fingers and palm wrapped around straining flesh, he slumped and spread his legs. He set the cruise control and shimmied his hips to move his jeans down a little more and stroked himself hard and slow.

His hand got wet fast and he felt the tingle that signified his orgasm was near far sooner than he thought. It was when his balls were erupting white streaks all over the front of his black jeans while he was clenching his jaw and forcing his eyes to remain open and on the quickly passing asphalt that he realised this was such a damn good idea.

He really didn't need his reputation tarnished even more than it was -- fucking buggering chip! -- and being known as quick on the draw would've devastated it.

Blinking watery eyes, he glanced at the side of the road as a sign came up and grinned as he tucked himself awkwardly away with the one hand.

Only five more miles and he'd be in little known Grandview, Nevada.

He switched off the cruise control and slammed his foot on the accelerator.

Then he licked his wet hand with lingering strokes of his tongue enjoying the taste of himself.


Despite the stain he couldn't quite get out of his jeans' leg, and the smell of his release practically wafting off him, Spike sauntered through the alley and into the boarded up, seemingly abandoned building.

He wouldn't have looked twice had he not known what really happened there; if he hadn't had vampiric senses he'd have thought it was dilapidated and unused but he smelled sex everywhere, mingling with human sweat and various foodstuffs. He felt magic vibrating through his skin, deep into his bones like low voltage electricity.

It aroused him once again.

He knocked three times, then one, then four more and a slit opened a little higher than his eye level.

He arched an eyebrow and tilted his head as glittering, diagonally slit pupils seared into his own.

The door opened shortly thereafter and he was guided inside with a wave of a reptilian-scaled hand that held claws longer than most of Spike's fingers.

He inclined his head and kept his mouth shut. He knew he was impetuous and quick to say what was on his mind; he didn't want to insult someone and get kicked out.

He planned on returning as often as possible if it panned out well.

He was nearly overwhelmed with the scent of sex after he entered the building completely.

His nostrils flared and his cock grew so hard it hurt as he walked and it rubbed against the harsh, tight material of his jeans and the angry cold line of his zip.

But he soldiered on down the dark hall only a demon could see the way down.

He was assaulted by loud moans and wet sucking sounds, the whisper of fabric and the bang of flesh against hard surfaces, even flesh on flesh.

He came to the end of the corridor and blinked as he passed through the doorway and suddenly there was light where there hadn't been. Must've been a spell to hide the light so no one would get suspicious of the goings on in the building. Neat.

A simple reception desk jutted out from one wall and a bored looking violet-skinned demon snapped its gum and twirled locks of glittery looking darker purple hair in its yellow-varnished fingers.

It stopped chewing its gum and sat up once it noticed Spike's presence, all of a sudden appearing professional and at work.

"Cash up front, first off. Flat fee of a c-note no matter what you want. Second, name your pleasure and I'll see what I can cook up, show you to your room and leave you to it. You'll be billed more if your...tastes are varied. If you want somethin' else, feel free to come back and..." Strangely orange eyes flowed down Spike's tightening body and a smile quirked the androgynous demon's lips. "Well, I'll see what I can do to get you a discount..."

Spike grinned and canted his hips as he spread his legs, offering the best view of his goods. A discount was a discount and he'd take it, however he could get it. "And what would I have to do to get that discount, pet?"

The demon giggled, fluttering insanely long eyelashes. "If you've a mind to, come back and see..."

"Might have to take you up on that offer, luv." He winked and dug into one tight pocket, drawing more of its attention to the bulge in his jeans. He held out a crumpled hundred dollar bill and the demon took it with relish and a lingering caress to Spike's hand. "Out of curiosity...you a bird or a bloke?"

The demon blinked innocently, fanning its eyelids alluringly. "Whatever you want, baby, I can be. My species is...special."

Spike's eyes roved full breasts and what he could see above the desk. He was sure he'd find lovely secrets below. "Well, that sounds like fun. What's your name?"


Spike blinked.

Jamie grinned. "It's easier than Jarmalkfetat'sncodlekendbom."

"'Right it is."

"Now," Jamie snapped its gum, "what'll it be?"

"You got a glory hole, right?"

"Oh, honey, do we ever. That's what you want?"

"Oh, yeah. I want the best you got...preferably male with the wherewithal to know what he's doing."

"Well, follow me, then. I'll get you settled and then you can...do your thing."

Jamie stood up and towered over Spike in its purple spandex onesie and gestured for him to follow. "Come on, then."

Spike had only a glance of the noticeable bulge in Jamie's tight outfit but he was impressed enough to want a second, more thorough look if he got the chance.


He was led down a maze of corridors with doors on either side -- much too close together to make sense in the real world but he was sure they led to other dimensions or something like -- the noises of sex and pleasure filling the air and growing louder as he accompanied the nearly seven feet tall demon.

He inhaled and swallowed and then stopped when Jamie paused at a particular door. From somewhere on its person, Jamie withdrew a set of keys and unlocked the door with the number 6 on it.

"Here we go, baby. Have your fun, take your time and maybe come see me after, okay? I have a break coming up... Vampires are notorious for their stamina and skill and...I wouldn't mind giving your species a try."

Jamie ran its long-fingered hand from Spike's collar bone down to his straining crotch and lightly massaged him before winking and sashaying back down the hall.

Spike blinked and watched it go and then turned back to the door, reached for the knob and opened it.

He stepped inside, the door shut after him and then disappeared.


Spike cleared his throat and looked around at the glaringly empty room he was now trapped in.

"The hell?" he murmured to himself, and it echoed as if he'd yelled it. The air shimmered, it was like static electricity all over his body, and suddenly he was in a reasonable facsimile -- or hell, it could've been real -- of a men's restroom without the grime and stench.

Cliches weren't just for humans, they catered for demon kind, too.

His eyebrows rose. "What's this then?"

A single hole appeared in the empty expanse of one wall. It was the perfect height for Spike but it was overly large around so he could push through easily.

He frowned slightly and then realised that it was probably magicked so that it would fit whoever came in.

Spike shuddered.

It was showtime.

He removed his duster and laid it gently across one sink. Wouldn't do to get it messy -- he'd just been lucky during his driving wank.


He felt a little stupid sticking his dick into a strange hole. Not knowing where it went was...an odd feeling because his dick was his livelihood...or something like that, but once he snugged up to the wall it softened, the hole tightened just right and became slick -- it was like fucking a real live person.

The wall became pliable and malleable and he could move how he wanted, however he needed.

Bloody hell, they really were glorious holes.

He didn't have to wait there long, standing with his legs spread, ass hanging in the breeze as his jeans hung low on his thighs, dick stuffed in a hole he didn't have a clue about and his elbows and hands above his head, clenching into the softness of the wall as he braced himself. A hot, wet mouth wrapped around his cockhead and he couldn't prevent the moan that escaped his slack jaw.

He groaned and bucked forward into the softness and felt it give with each movement he made.

The mouth moved all the way down and deepthroated him slowly before withdrawing and suckling the little sensitive area beneath his head.

He could feel the man's body through the membrane-like thinness of the wall, moving, and it was erotic not to see what was being done to him and feel it at the same time. Like being blindfolded but better.

Christ, it was good. Worth more than a hundred bucks -- he'd have gladly paid a thousand if it took that and who was he to complain about price when he was getting such good head?

He heard heavy breathing and realised it wasn't his own. He could hear his mysterious cocksucker getting off on what he was doing to Spike and it turned him on even more.

Cocksucker made wet noises as he took Spike's dick repeatedly into his mouth and teased him just right.

Oh, this bloke really knew what he was doing. Spike couldn't get enough.

He gasped as teeth lightly grazed his shaft and then lips briefly nibbled the head.

Suddenly the hole he was sliding through widened and his balls were being suckled.

He bucked and bit back a scream.

The stranger's tongue lapped at his sac, then the hot mouth took one ball inside and sucked hard.

Spike gasped and it took everything in him not to climax right then.

A hand grasped his cock and stroked slowly from base to tip and then fisted just the head quick and fast while his mouth was busy with Spike's balls.

He ground into the hole, bouncing between mouth and wall, into the hand that stroked him and into the mouth that nibbled on him as he was cushioned against the ebbing and flowing of the wall.

"Please," he murmured softly. "Take it back in your mouth."

Apparently, he could be heard and the hand was removed, allowing for the mouth to once again take him deep inside.

"Yeah," he breathed. "Deep throat me. Christ," he hissed.

He moved his hips and fucked into the man's mouth, flung back his head when the wall began to warm against his body until he was writhing from the pleasure of it. His fingers dug into the softness of the wall.

A hand cupped and massaged his sac, thumb rubbing into the crease that separated each testicle.

Spike moaned helplessly and then shuddered hard. His knees began to shake hard enough for him to fear he'd collapse. "Oh, God. Fucking hell."

The mouth was diligent and relentless and began to suck harder and faster in tandem with the hand that had joined it on the shaft. The hand wanked him at the base while the mouth sucked from the end and they met somewhere in the middle.

Spike inhaled sharply and then froze as the orgasm was sucked right out of his body and into the waiting mouth.

He heard swallowing and came even harder as he was milked dry.

He thrust his hips helplessly as he was brought down from his orgasm and then collapsed against the cushioned wall, panting.

As he leaned there, he heard fast smacking sounds and his spent cock twitched a little as he realised that whoever had just sucked him off was getting their own leg over right there; he'd enjoyed himself so much giving Spike head that he had to get himself off.

That was bloody hot.

Spike swallowed and finally removed himself from his precarious leaning position on the wall. He wobbled to his feet as he unsteadily put himself away and did up the front of his jeans.

Shoving a hand through his hair, he staggered to one of those convenient men's room sinks and splashed cold water on his skin -- he felt almost flushed, could still feel the artificial heat of the wall burning into his skin. He washed and dried his hands, put his duster back on, and then the room disappeared back into whatever void it came from.

The door he'd entered before wavered back into view and conveniently opened for him.

The dim hall beckoned and he answered its call, escaping back out into the darkness where pleasured cries echoed.

Door number 6 slammed shut after him and he checked the handle, just to see if he could get back in.

He couldn't. It was locked.

Ah, well, he'd be back, that was a bloody given.

For now, though, he thought smugly, he had a hermaphrodite demon to charm and possibly fuck. The discount he might get when he returned was merely a bonus.

Here Endeth the Story

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