Synopsis: Written for The 2005 Spander Christmas Album, using (and abusing) "Frosty the Snowman" as Spike and Xander chase down a demon in the midst of Christmas on the Hellmouth.
That Old Silk Hat
"Get out of the way, you git!" Spike shoved Xander off the sidewalk into the street as the crowd pounded toward them, hurling snowballs and singing gaily. Then with vampiric speed, he reached out to grab the back of Xander's coat before the man could stumble into the headlights of oncoming traffic.
"Bloody hell," Spike swore disgustedly as the children skipped by.
Xander slumped against a lamp post. The pale bluish light highlighted the lines of frustration etched into his face.
Xander briefly considered telling Spike off for throwing him around, but determined that wasn't worth it. He didn't see the pattern changing as long as they kept pursuing the snowy freak waving a broomstick and bounding along on improbable feet. They had been chasing and dodging gaggles of giggling children for the last two hours, and so far he had been tossed off curbs, slammed into storefronts, and once nearly face-planted into one of Cleveland's seasonal slush-filled potholes.
"Tell me again how we got stuck guarding the Hellmouth while everyone else is off celebrating any where but here?" He grumbled.
"You lost the coin-toss, and apparently vampires don't celebrate Christmas," Spike growled. He stared after the swelling mass as doors to the houses on the street opened in its wake, and more children tumbled out to join in the merriment.
"Look, I said I was sorry about that! What was I supposed to say? ‘Hey guys, don't worry about me ‘cause Spike'll stick around so we can make wild monkey love while we have the house to ourselves??'" Xander leaned back against the lamppost and closed his eyes.
"Not like they couldn't figure it out after they caught us snoggin' under the mistletoe," Spike smirked at the blush that heated the man's cheeks. He had spent six months stalking the man since the slayer contingent swept in and saved the faltering AI team from Wolfram and Hart's apocalypse du jour, and only in the last few weeks had Xander capitulated and given in enthusiastically to the heat between them. However, the newness of the relationship still had them on rocky ground with a number of the watchers and slayers, not to mention former Scoobies.
"So. Right. Ten-foot snowman pied piper." Xander firmly changed the topic. "What's next?"
"Still say a flame-thrower would take care of the problem right quick."
"Spike, for one thing, we don't have a flame-thrower. And secondly, we are not scarring kids for life by melting a beloved childhood character! Besides, who knows what'll happen to the kids if we liquefy their leader? Getting stampeded by a hundred six-year olds was so not in my holiday plans."
"But building a sodding snow demon was." Spike stomped off after the parade of children.
"If you'll recall, that was not my fault. You're the one who put that stupid hat on him. He was just a good old-fashioned snowman until then." Xander trailed after the vampire, shivering as the cold seeped through his work boots. Not that he would know anything about old-fashioned winter fun, he admitted to himself. What was it about Hellmouths that made the most innocent activities into Stephen King's daydreams?
"Just wanted to play in the snow," he muttered, kicking at a pile of plowed ice and slush on the curb.
Spike caught the dejected comment and swirled around to take the downcast face in his hands and plant a kiss on wind-chilled lips. Xander's surprised hesitation quickly melted as desire built, and he deepened the kiss.
"Let's get rid of this wanker and get back to roasting our chestnuts by the fire," he murmured.
"Mmmm," Xander agreed. "Wait a minute. Doesn't the song say ‘chestnuts roasting on an open fire'?" He grimaced.
"Like my version better." Spike dove in for another kiss only to be thwarted when Xander jerked away.
"That's it! The song, remember the song?" Xander bounced excitedly.
"No putting my chestnuts in the fire, mate." Spike growled. "And I happen to like yours just where they are." He risked a quick grope as he pressed their bodies together.
"Not that song. Frosty!" Xander wiggled away as he sang with more enthusiasm than talent. "‘He led them down the streets of town right to the traffic cop. And he only paused a moment when he heard him holler ‘Stop!'" He grinned triumphantly. "All we have to do is get him to stop for a traffic cop and then get the hat, and poof! No more kid-stealing snowman!"
"Hate to burst your bubble, luv, but not gonna find a traffic cop in this neighborhood." He gestured flatly at the residential rows of duplexes and apartment buildings that surrounded them.
"Um, well, there might be a way." Xander blushed furiously.
Spike quirked an eyebrow. "You been holding out on me, luv?"
"C'mon." Xander ignored the question and tugged Spike back toward the Watcher's Council house.
Shaking off their heavy coats and boots, they stumbled upstairs toward Xander's bedroom. Spike tugged the heavy flannel and t-shirt up and slid chilly fingers over Xander's strong, warm back as they barreled through the door.
"Hey! Cold fingers!" Xander squirmed away, laughing.
"Yep. Gotta warm ‘em up." Spike continued stalking the man, tumbling him onto the bed with legs hanging over the edge and writhing over him sinuously. Xander moaned and bucked up as his cock twitched in anticipation. This was where he had planned to be before their lopsided snowman had suddenly danced off the lawn and down the street gathering followers left and right.
"Wait, wait. Possessed snowman stealing kids." He pressed up in an attempt to get away from the roaming hands and the tongue that curled around his right ear. His protest ended in a groan as the move pressed his cock against the vampire's matching erection.
"Yeah, luv." Spike circled his hips in a slow, delicious friction. "Gotta get you outa these clothes and into uniform first, right?"
"Oh god," Xander moaned low as the vampire began stripping off his pants. Spike slid down the bed to the floor where he knelt between Xander's legs, mouthing the man's cock through the tented boxers.
Xander propped himself up on his elbows, taking in the erotic sight of the blonde head bent over his crotch.
"Fuck, Spike," he gasped. "Need you."
The vampire moaned his agreement, increasing his efforts. He didn't disagree that they had to do something about the Frosty the Psycho Snowman before the kids ended up in danger from more than just frostbite, but he had been patient long enough waiting to get his mouth on the man beneath him. With the house blessedly empty, they had planned days of leisurely fucking, and he would be damned if the Hellmouth would take that Christmas treat away from them.
With that thought in mind, he yanked down Xander's boxers and swooped down on his leaking cock. Xander's hands tangled in the short blonde hair as he struggled to keep from brutally fucking that velvety wet cavern.
Urged on by his lover's gasps and moans, Spike sucked enthusiastically, stroking the cock in his mouth with his tongue. With the hand not grasping Xander's rocking hips, he deftly flicked open his button fly and pulled on his own cock.
"Yeah, baby. Fuck, so beautiful," Xander murmured as he watched the vampire bringing himself off in time to the sucking rhythm of the blowjob. Gotta admire a guy who could multi-task. "When we get back, I'm gonna fuck you so hard you're gonna taste my cum in your throat. Gonna feel me inside you for days."
The picture Xander painted had Spike moaning in anticipation, and his hand sped up. He swallowed once and again, and Xander flopped back on the bed as his hips arched up and his cock shot hot streams of cum down the vampire's throat. The picture of gorgeous abandon that Xander presented along with the salty-sweet taste of his release had Spike tumbling into orgasm after him. He pulled off Xander's cock and gasped.
"Love you, Xan." His hand clenched the firm hip as his orgasm ripped down his spine and had him spraying ropy threads against the bedspread. He sunk down on his knees and rested his head against Xander's thigh. Heavy breathing filled the room as they both recovered.
Xander carded warm fingers through the vampire's hair and stroked his cheek.
"Love you, too, Spike." Sincere blue eyes looked up to meet his, and Xander levered himself up to kiss the vampire, enjoying the lingering taste of his release in his lover's mouth. Languorous kisses drew out for long moments. Finally Spike rose gracefully and extended a hand to pull Xander up to standing.
"So, about that uniform?" He grinned.
"Never ask, and maybe I'll let you help me out of it later." Xander shook his head and rummaged through a box at the bottom of the closet to dig out a reminder from his nights at the Fabulous Ladies Nightclub.
Five minutes later saw him dressed in police uniform, complete with hat and badge, and if the pants happened to have Velcro enclosures up the sides for easy removal, well, the less said about that the better. They bundled up and headed back out into the snow, badge prominently affixed to Xander's coat and hat jammed on his head.
Finding Frosty required little more than following the crowd of pre-teen stragglers singing "Thumpety thump thump" and lobbing snowballs at one another. They ducked around the swarm to get in front of the frozen pied piper.
"He's coming," Spike hissed as he peeked around the corner of an apartment building.
At that signal, Xander stepped out in front of the parading snowman, coat open to display the cop uniform, extended his hand and yelled, "Stop!"
To his surprise, it actually worked. In the few seconds of stillness that followed Xander's command, Spike dashed out, grabbed the hat and sped down the street faster than any of the revelers could follow.
The bewildered children looked at one another as the spell broke and began to wander home, snowballs and carols forgotten. Xander watched for a moment, making sure that no revolts or re-animations were on offer, but the snowman stood silent and still as snow flurries swirled merrily through the moonlit winter air.
With a grin, Xander dropped the policeman's hat on the snowman and headed toward home and a no-doubt impatient and horny Spike, reminding himself to schedule in a stern lecture for Willow on leaving enchanted clothing lying around where scavenging vampire's could get their hands on them.
In his wake, Frosty flashed a pebbled grin at the world and waited for springtime sun, secure in the knowledge that he would be back again someday.