Conversation between Spike and Xander

One Hundred Things I Love About You


"Pet… what are you doing?"

"I… erm…"

"Pet?" ((sighs)) "You look like you're thinking about something."

"So? Can't I think about something?"

"I'm sure you can think about something, just… you're leaking unhappiness all over the place."

"Well, I can't find one hundred things I love about you!"


"Argh. Don't give me that look!"

"But you said that…"

"I said I can't find one hundred things I love about you."

"And that's bad."


"So I am not … loveable enough?"

"Don't be silly. That's not the point."

"That's not the point? You think I'm not loveable enough and that's not the point?"

"God, Spike. No…"

"You don't need to say more. It's alright. Knew this would come sooner or later that I'm not … enough."

"Will you stop the pouting for god's sake!"


"It's like this: I found a magazine of Anya's, said one hundred reasons why you love him. It was kinda a test."

"You did a test in one of these girly magazines?"


"Oh aren't you cute when you blush? All this blood coming to the surface and heating up your skin… "

"Mmmhm… Damn, no! Stop licking my cheek!"


"And stop sucking my earlobe as if it was mommy's breast – I can't think when you do that!"

"Did you say nipple?"

"No. I said… guh… fuck, leave my nipple… mmmhhmm."

"What did you say?"

"Huh? … Anyway! One hundred things I…"

"Wouldn't you love me to give one hundred licks to both your nipples?"

"Oh yes… argh… are we talking fifty to each or one hundred to each cos that would be two hundred together and it says one hundred things I love so…. mmmmhmm…"

"Three… Four… Five… Si…"

"Why did you stop?"

"Are you trying to tell me I have only one hundred licks?"

"Erm… the test says… "

"One hundred licks! I can work with one hundred licks. I think. Is kissing licking too? When I do it like this."

"Mmmmmhhh… god… yes, when you lick my lips then… mmhhmm… yes licking my tongue like that should… mmmhmm…count…. mmhurghlt. Why did you stop now?"

"Have to spend my licks carefully then!"


"Well, I already used twenty-three, leaves me with sixty-seven. Hm…"


"Yes pet?"

"Kiss me again?"



"Haven't enough licks."


"No. You started this."


"Pet, see it's like this… if I kiss you again right now, I'll give away at least fourteen licks and those would be fourteen of the twenty-seven licks I need to clean you after I rimmed you with forty licks til you screa… hm… What?"

"You're counting licks?"

"I'm counting licks?"



"Have you been counting licks before this test even?"



"'S my name."

"'k, let's try again… Why have you been counting before?"



"I'm worried you'll get bored with me."

"And you're counting licks why?"

((sighs)) "See pet, the more licks I need, the more used to it you are, the more you're bored."




"Oh fuck."

"Erm no. Lick."

"Ordering me around are you, pet." ((licks lips))

"Stop licking your lips!"

"But you look so tasty like this… all open and waiting for me… " ((bites lower lip))

"But you're wasting licks!" ((wriggles))

"Not anymore pet, not anymore."

"Oh … god… Spike, fuck god… yes."

--- forty-eight licks plus seventeen clean up licks later ---

"See, pet… you've got bored with me… needed forty-eight licks today."

"Spike, baby, it's not me getting bored or even near to me being used to it!"

"'S not?"

"No… "

"Then what? You're giving me a tongue workout?"


"Oh please, pet. Tell me it's not that."


"PET? The demon strength thing is an all-body-gig. My tongue won't tire any more than the rest of my body and you know how insistent I can be…" ((smirk))

"Well, yeah… and I swear, one day I'm gonna be strong enough to withstand the pleasure of one hundred licks before coming."

"Is that so… Wait! You're counting too, you cheeky bastard! ((very nasty smirk)) Say… you're up to counting thrusts now, Xanny?"


((breathless)) "Yours or mine?"

"Doesn't matter, pet, as long as we get over one hundred."

The End

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