Fandom: New Star Trek Movie
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Rating: Adult
Warnings: A drunk-happy place, inappropriate glowing in the dark, swaggering.
Summary: Set some vague time after the movie. Leonard calls Jim's bluff.
Note: Thanks to [info]savoytruffle for the awesome beta!
This is my first Star Trek fic and my grasp on Star Trek canon is tenuous at best. I've tried to ensure there's no errors but please let me know if you find any. :)

Ship Shape


Leonard sighs when Scotty reports that the crew beamed aboard all with injuries. It’s just like Jim to go on a fool-hardy rescue mission to Rangter without backup.

For once he’d agreed with Spock: it isn’t prudent to jump at the first distress call without doing any investigation first.

Not that Jim has ever been the research sort of guy. He’s a ‘jump in with both feet first, ask questions later’ guy. Which may make him a good captain – not that Leonard would ever tell him that – but makes him a pain in the ass for the chief medical officer.

Leonard’s scowl is firmly in place when the sick bay doors open.

He keeps it in place when he repairs Jim’s wounds – more blood than depth.

Jim’s all smiles and swagger with the crew to cover his winces each time Leonard cleans a wound.

“You know,” Leonard grumbled. “If you’d listen to that pointy-eared bastard at least once in a red moon you wouldn’t have to be here.”

“But Bones,” Jim flashes him the smile that always seems to charm the ladies, “we wouldn’t get this quality time.”

Leonard sighs his best put-upon sigh to show that he’s immune. “Yeah, what would we do without these special moments?” He pats Jim’s arm. “All done.”

Jim flashes him another grin. “What would I do without you Bones?”

“Die, no doubt.” He shakes his head and goes to tend his next patient.


He’s just finishing up with his last patient when he’s distracted by whistles and cat calls.

Leonard looks up just in time to get a front row view of James T. Kirk strutting across the room in just his briefs and an exaggerated swagger.

His eyes are drawn to Jim’s package – a word Leonard can’t believe he just thought.

In his defence, it’s hard not to notice.

There’s a lot going on there.

Damn, Jim’s well-hung.

It’s just a medical observation, Leonard tells himself.

“See, boys and girls,” Kirk announces. “I’m ship shape.”

And then some.

Leonard rolls his eyes and gets back to work.


“So, Bones, what’cha up to?”

Jim leans on the door frame, munching on an apple. McCoy pushes aside his reading and leans back in his chair. “Reading more about the latest colonoscopy technique than I ever wanted to know.”

An evil grin crosses Jim’s face. “You know... nah, never mind, too easy. Wanna get drunk?”

Leonard pretends to reflect for a bit. “Yeah, sure.” He pulls out his handy bottle of Scotch. “My place or yours?”

Jim makes a show of checking out Leonard’s office. “My place, definitely mine.”

“Just because we can’t all have the high falutin’ captain’s quarters…” he grumbles.

“Don’t complain.” Jim slings an arm over his shoulder. “You do have an in with the captain.”

“Should hope so. Which ship would you be captaining if it wasn’t for me?” He pretends to think. “Oh right – none.”

“How could I forget? Not like you made it as painful as possible.”

“Just trying to help an old friend out.”

Jim smiles. “With friends like this...”

They’ve reached Jim’s quarters. “Just shut up and get inside so we can get this thing started.”

Jim grabs the bottle and walks in backwards, still grinning at Leonard. Damn kid just can’t stop smiling sometimes. “Get what thing started?”

Leonard just ignores him, but does accept a nice full glass when its offered.

He clinks it against Jim’s. “To the Enterprise,” Jim says. Because of course the idiot would be a cliché. Even if Leonard finds he doesn’t mind the ship... that much.


They’re well into their second hour of drinking and shooting the shit when Jim gets that look on his face. The ‘I’ve got what I think is a brilliant idea, but really will get us all killed’ look.

Leonard has a bad feeling about this.

Jim takes a sip and eyes Leonard over the brim. He meets Jim gaze, intending to refuse to let Jim start whatever weird game he’s about to start.

Only this is something else entirely.

“Saw you checking me out,” Jim says like he’d say Report please, Dr. McCoy, “when I was doing my underwear show.”

Leonard barely manages not to choke on his drink.

“Like what you saw?” There’s just a hint of a raised eyebrow.

Oh, so that’s the game they’re playing. Leonard doesn’t like to be teased. “Oh yes, Captain, you made me swoon.”

This time Jim’s the one who chokes on his drink. Leonard offers him a full eyebrow raise.

Jim looks confused for just a split second before a look of determination settles over his face. He looks exactly like he did after failing the Kobayashi Maru for the second time. Like he’s got a plan.

Leonard suspects he should be worried about it but he’s in that drunk-happy place where he can’t be bothered.

He just takes a long swallow of the Scotch, savors the taste in his mouth and blinks when he realizes that their legs are touching.

Leonard shivers.

Hadn’t known he was cold until he felt the heat from Jim’s leg.

“Bones...” Jim places his hand on Leonard’s arm. Without thinking, he jerks away at the contact.

Jim leans back projecting an air of casual comfort although it’s possible Leonard catches a hint of vulnerability but it’s hard to know with Jim.

Jim gives a short laugh. “I know I’m hot, Bones but you don’t need to –”

Leonard shuts him up by calling his bluff, grabbing him by the shoulders and man-handling him against the wall. He presses into Jim, who’s wide-eyed, breathing fast. “This what you want?”

He makes the this clear by crushing his lips against Jim’s.

Jim lets out a moan that sounds like an affirmative and which goes directly to Leonard’s dick, confusing him about exactly what it is he’s trying to prove here. Jim’s fingers are in Leonard’s hair and his tongue is exploring new frontiers.

He presses closer, grabs Jim’s arms and pushing them against the wall. Jim’s pupils dilate, he gasps and slams his hips into Leonard’s.

The feel of Jim’s cock against his is so damn good and... Leonard’s brain catches up with what’s going on.

He pulls back and tries to catch his breath.

“Don’t stop now, Bones.” Jim closes the distance between them. “My seduction’s finally working.”

“God dammit Jim, this is – we’re drunk.” Leonard’s brain fully processes what Jim said. “Wait, your seduction? I was doing the seducing here.”

“Who’s been parading around in their underwear to get your attention?” Jim’s hands start tracing down Leonard’s back towards his ass.

“You were...? That was...?” Leonard’s having a hard time thinking until Jim’s hands cupping his ass snap him out of any thinking and back to the project at hand. “You’re not stealing the credit for this,” he says. “I started this.”

“Whatever you say, Bones, just get going,” Jim breathes in his ear. “I want you to fuck me.”

Leonard all but throws Jim onto the bed and crawls on top.

They’re kissing breathlessly and pulling at each other’s clothes. The world is a hazy swirl, like being in the middle of a meteorite shower.

Before he knows it, Jim has his hand wrapped around Leonard’s dick – it’s perfect.

He pulls back just long enough to yank Jim’s pants and briefs off in one pull, and reciprocate. No one’s ever said that Leonard McCoy isn’t generous in bed and he’s not going to let Jim start bitching about it now – not when it feels so right.

“Bones,” Jim inhales, “fuck me,” he exhales, “now.”

Now that’s the type of order Leonard’s happy to obey and he stretches over Jim, pulls open the top drawer and, yep, Jim hasn’t changed. He’s as well stocked as ever.

He tosses the lube to Jim, who clearly knows what to do with it. Leonard fumbles a bit with the condom wrapper – it’s been way too long – before getting it out and on.

He stares at his dick, aghast. It’s glowing in the dark.

At Jim’s huge grin, Leonard manages, “I’m not the loser with glow-in-the-dark condoms in his nightstand.”

Jim wraps his lube-slick hand around Leonard’s dick, making his forget all about how he could use his penis as a flashlight. “You have a nice dick,” Jim says in low voice that directs more blood in that direction.

He has Jim flipped over and in position so fast that he has to stop and take in a breath. He adds some lube to his fingers and slides them in, just to make sure Jim’s ready.

In and out. Leonard’s increasing number of fingers keep time with his breaths.

“Bones,” Jim whines. Yeah, it’s definitely a whine, but a whine accompanied by his ass thrusting back against Leonard.

“Yeah, yeah, no need to be,” Leonard slides into Jim, gasps, catches his breath, “impatient.”

“Thought you’d never,” Jim exhales and relaxes and Leonard slides home, “do it.”

There’s a quaver at the end of Jim’s sentence. Enough to have Leonard pulling out and thrusting back in harder. Hitting right there.

Jim isn’t talking anymore, just gasping and moaning and pushing back.

He’s finally found a foolproof way to shut up Jim Kirk, Spock would be pleased.

Or not.

Leonard grimaces. No way he’s thinking about Spock at a time like this. Not when Jim’s sweat-sheened back is the best damn thing he’s seen in ages. He could watch it forever, watch himself thrust into Jim forever.

Jim clenches his muscles around Leonard’s dick and that pushes him over the edge. He manages two more deep thrusts before he comes. It’s possible that he gasps out, “Jim,” but he’s not admitting to something that clichéd.

He’s about to collapse after pulling out but when Jim rolls over, cock still hard, he reaches out and starts slowly jacking it, kissing down Jim’s neck.

Apparently slowing down gets Jim chatty (and pushy) again because he says, “Bones, damn it, now.”

Leonard speeds up his pace and bites down at the base of Jim’s neck, sending Jim over the edge in a messy and loud orgasm – that doesn’t hurt Leonard’s ego.

They lie beside each other gasping and staring at the ceiling.

“Damn,” Jim says.

Leonard has to agree, “Damn.”

“We have to do this again.”

“Best idea you’ve had in ages, Jim.”

“What can I say, I’m brilliant.”

Leonard sighs, rolls over and shuts Jim up with a kiss.

The End

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