Spoilers/Time line: None.
Rating/Pairing: Spike/Xander
Disclaimer: The boys aren’t ours, we just wanted to play with them. We’re gonna give them back to Joss Whedon, honest we are.
Distribution: If you want it take it, just let us know where it’s going :-)
Dedication: For the m-mSlashaholics list sibs, love you guys!
Authors' Notes: Big thanks to Jericho, Tea and Shellie for the beta, you guys rock :-)

True Feelings


Spike strode down the moonlit street towards Xander's apartment. He was finally going to find out once and for all whether Xander really did want him. The gypsy had assured him the powder she had sold him would force hidden feelings to the surface, all he had to do was sprinkle it on his head. It had been incredibly expensive but it would be worth every penny he'd paid if it gave him what he'd been yearning for.

Spike never thought he could want anyone again after Dru left. But he wanted Xander. And one thing he had tried to show these do-gooders is that what Spike wants, Spike gets. And he wants me too, I can smell it. Just won't say it is all. Well we'll see about that.

Deep in thought, he didn't realize he'd reached Xander's apartment the door swung open and the man filling his thoughts waved a hand in front of his face. "Fangless?? You in there?"

Spike started and looked up into the face he'd begun to obsess about. "'m here, whelp. Just can't come in without an invite."

Xander stepped back and pretended to think it over for a minute, knowing Spike had been invited into his home on more than one occasion in the past. "Well, Spike, since you put it that way, goodnight." He went to close the door, but Spike's foot caught the door before it could close all the way.

Grinning Xander opened the door again and gestured Spike into the room. "Wanna beer?" he asked as he walked into the kitchen.

"Yeah" Spike wandered after him and leant against the counter. He could feel the small packet in his pocket and felt a thrill of excitement race up his spine. Finally he was going to find out for sure, and hopefully they'd both have a real good night.

Xander turned around and passed a bottle to the vampire. Taking a drink from his own he looked at Spike. "What are you up to?" he asked, suspicious of the look of anticipation on Spike's face.

"Me, 'm not up to anything. Was just bored, thought you might be too." Spike turned from Xander and wandered into the lounge. The brunette followed the blond vampire and flopped down on the couch beside him, reaching for the remote. "Don't do that just yet, whelp. Wanna talk for a minute first."

"Ok, Spike, what dastardly thoughts do you have growing in that sick mind of yours?" Xander looked over to Spike with a smirk, and seeing Spike's expression, immediately thought better about goading the vampire into a fight.

Spike looked nervous, scared even as he sat there playing with the label on his bottle "I just...I fancied a bit o' company, and seeing as you're the only one I can stand you get lucky." Spike inwardly flinched at his choice of words as Xander stared, a slight flush staining his cheeks.

"Lucky?" He whispered, then stood abruptly and paced across the room.

Spike spoke quickly "er, you've got cable and there's a match on tonight, just though we could watch it, have a few beers"

Xander looked suspiciously at Spike for a moment then sat down slowly. "Ok Bleachboy, football and beer, then you go 'k?"

Spike breathed a silent sigh of relief, he'd nearly ruined the whole thing then. Now Xander was relaxing he just had to wait for the perfect moment to use the powder.

Eight beers later, Xander was fighting off sleep when he heard Spike laughing at something. He looked up to see what the source of the vampire’s amusement was and saw that the players on TV were fighting. Might have known it would take someone getting hurt to get Spike to laugh.

When Spike quieted down Xander was dozing off again. Spike watched out the corner of his eye as the younger man's head slid closer and closer to his shoulder.Well, it's now or never I guess. Spike reached into his pocket and brought out the pouch. Trying not to make any moves that would wake the brunette, he opened the pouch and sprinkled its contents on Xander's head.

"What the hell..." Xander shot off the couch, a glow starting around his head.

Spike jumped to his feet as the glow enveloped Xander's entire body and he crumpled to the floor unconscious. What the hell? That wasn't supposed to happen. Panicked, he dropped to his knees and reached out a hand to stroke the boy's cheek. His heartbeat sounded strong and regular, he almost seemed to be sleeping...

"Bloody hell, the whelp's asleep?" Spike muttered to himself.

The vampire carefully gathered up his pet in his arms and carried him into the bedroom, gently laying him out on the bed. The glow had dissipated and Spike gently shook Xander's shoulder. "Xanluv? Are you awake?"

Xander grumbled slightly and turned over, latching onto Spike and pulling him down so he was trapped half underneath the warm sleeping body.

"Spike." The sleepy voice was muffled against Spike's shoulder. He almost thought he had imagined it until he felt the light traces of Xander's tongue through his shirt.

"Xan, what ya doin'?" Spike, suddenly, was very nervous.

"Whatcha think, Spike? I'm trying to get this shirt off you."

"Aint gonna happen like that, pet." Spike chuckled deep in his chest. "First you gotta roll off me, then you can strip me."

"mmmm, ok" Xander grinned and moved off Spike. He reached down to finish his task but his hands were batted away.

"Let's get you naked first eh?" Spike smirked

Pushing the boy back down on the bed he knelt over him and ripped the t-shirt from him. Xander gasped and reached up to push at Spike's shirt, slipping his fingers under the fabric and running his hands over the cool soft skin. He let his hands drift lower and began to play with the button of Spike's jeans, brushing over the hard flesh straining against the zip.

Spike moaned loudly, he needed more. He flung himself off the bed and quickly pulled the rest of his clothes off. Xander watched wide-eyed, his face flushed with desire. "Strip luv" He commanded softly, watching as Xander hurried to comply, flinging his clothes onto the floor.

As soon as he was naked he reached towards the vampire and pulled him down on top of him. Both groaned as their cocks brushed together.

Spike's lips closed on Xander's, his tongue pressing into the younger man's mouth. He let out a small purr as Xander sucked on his tongue. Pulling back the brunette asked, "Was that a purr?"

"No, pet. Vampire's don't purr, we growl." Spike went back to kissing Xander, twirling his tongue around inside the hot mouth.

Xander wrapped his arms around his vampire tighter, trying to get as much skin on skin contact as possible. He let his hands roam down Spike's back, tracing circles over his hips.

While Spike was distracted, Xander grabbed his ass and pressed his groin into the vampire's. Holding them tightly together, Xander flipped them over. Straddling the blonds hips, he kept their lips fused together and thrust his hips into Spike's.

"Oh pet" Spike groaned at the sensations racing through his body. He thrust up even as he pulled Xander down, pressing harder into his groin. "I want you luv, I've wanted you for so long." Xander thrust again and dipped his head to nibble at Spike's neck.

"Spike, you uh...you got any..um...you know" Xander blushed.

Stilling, the vampire smirked at his lover. "You mean lube pet?" Xander nodded still blushing furiously and Spike reached over to where he'd thrown his duster.

He pulled a small tube out of the pocket and put it on the nightstand. Looking back over to Xander he realized the boy was nervous.

"Pet? Is this your first time?" He asked gently.

"Um...well, with a man? Yeah." The deep blush traveled down Xander's neck to cover his upper body. Spike grinned, he looked so pretty with all that blood so near the surface.

He lay the boy back down against the pillows and settled next to him, stroking his hand over the golden chest and swirling his fingers around his navel.

"It's ok luv, might hurt a bit but I’ll make it good for ya I promise. You'll be begging me to take you before I'm done with ya."

"I'm already begging Spike, just not out loud." Xander whispered the words into Spike's lips as he leant closer for another kiss. "I've wanted you for a long time, too. I just couldn't say it."

"Ah, pet, I knew how you felt." Spike pulled Xander closer and rolled them both onto their sides. The vampire lay facing his human, both of them exploring the other's skin with hands and lips.

Xander stared into Spike's eyes. He didn't know how he knew, but he could tell this is where he belonged. He pushed Spike over onto his back, climbing over onto the vampire's thighs. Running trembling hands up and down his lover’s chest, Xander leaned forward and took a nipple into his mouth, rolling the other between his fingers.

Licking across the vampire's chest, Xander took the other nipple into his mouth, giving it equal treatment. After sucking the nipple into hardness, he looked up into Spike's eyes.

Spike was staring back at him, his eyes filled with lust. He pulled him up and kissed him fiercely. Moaning, he turned them over again and broke the kiss, licking down Xander's neck until he reached his nipples. He glanced up at Xander for a moment and smirked, then dipped his head and bit gently. Xander almost screamed with pleasure at the sensation. His hands threaded through bleached hair and he pulled Spike's head closer.

Spike began to move lower, licking and nibbling across Xander's stomach until he reached soft curls. Then he stopped and looked up again, the boy's head was tossing from side to side and he was moaning continuously. He waited till Xander looked back at him then smiled and moved down to engulf the boy's straining cock in one swift move. Xander screamed loudly and thrust into the cool wetness.

Pulling back he licked the head, his tongue dipping into the slit. At the same time he reached a hand out to the nightstand and grabbed the tube he'd left there earlier. He coated his fingers then tossed the tube aside reaching under to stroke along Xander's cleft.

Releasing the shaft from his mouth he began to pump it with his free hand. Watching Xander's face carefully he pressed a finger against his hole, then seeing lust and acceptance he slipped it inside, pressing forward and crooking it slightly until the boy tensed and shouted hoarsely.

"Spike!! Wha...what the hell was that? Do it again!"

Smirking, Spike stroked the nub again and again, reveling in the shudders it sent through Xander's over stimulated body.

"Oh gods Spike, I'm gonna cum." Xander gasped

Spike smiled and whispered "Then cum for me luv."

"Oooh, Spike." Xander moaned out as he erupted into Spike's hand.

Spike grinned happily as Xander collapsed back onto the bed. Still thrusting his finger in and out he raised his other hand to his mouth, making sure Xander was watching him, and licked the milky emissions from his fingers. "Mmmm, you are a nummy treat after all." Xander moaned and his cock twitched, trying to come back to life.

Spike began to concentrate on loosening Xander, slowly adding fingers while watching his lover’s face carefully. He stilled as he saw the young man wince at Spike’s fingers scissoring inside him but the chip in his head was blessedly silent. Yes! No evil intent means no pain! He thought, grinning. Kissing Xander again, he resumed his task, gently working the flesh until Xander was stretched out and moaning again.

"Pet? I need to be in you, please, tell me you're ready"

"Yeah, now Spike, want you in me now, fuck me"

Spike pulled his fingers slowly from Xander's hot grasping hole and hurriedly slicked his cock.

He pushed Xander's legs up and ground out "Hold 'em there pet" Xander hooked his elbows under his knees and pulled back, opening himself completely to the vampire’s lustful gaze. Gritting his teeth Spike closed his eyes for a moment, the sight of Xander holding himself open and ready almost enough to make him cum there and then.

Moving forward he pressed the tip of his length to the welcoming hole and groaned as it slipped inside.

"Alright luv?" he whispered

"Yeah...just don't stop, please"

"Not stopping pet, never gonna stop, you feel so good, so hot and tight…”

He pressed forward again and groaned as Xander's body welcomed him. Finally he was completely enveloped in the soft warm channel and paused for several moments to allow Xander to adjust. The younger man thrust his hips up slightly and moaned "Please Spike, do something, anything…just move!"

The vampire pulled out a little then thrust back, finding the little nub and brushing against it. Xander screamed and thrust up hard. "Spike! Again, fuck me now!"

Hooking Xander's knees over his shoulders he began to thrust harder, hitting that sweet spot with every move. His arms finally free, Xander reached up and pulled the vampire close and kissed him deeply, mimicking Spike's movements with his tongue and running his hands over soft skin.

Spike reached one hand down between their bodies and began to stroke the hot cock in time with his thrusts. They moved faster and faster, not wanting it to be over but unable to resist the feelings coursing through their bodies.

"Oh gods Xan, can’t wait, can’t…please…cum with me" Spike growled out and his fangs lengthened as he lost control.

"Spike! Oh yes Spike, now, now" Xander shouted out as he felt his sac draw up. The orgasm raced through his body and he screamed out his release as he pulsed and poured his seed over Spike's hand and his stomach.

Spike thrust wildly into Xander as he felt the muscles rippling and contracting around him. He tried to ride it out but the sensations were overwhelming and he roared his release, spilling into Xander's body over and over again.

He continued to thrust for a while drawing out their orgasms before collapsing onto the hot body beneath him. Warm arms came up to cuddle him close and they lay there for a while, enjoying simply feeling each other's body pressed close.

After a few minutes Spike slipped from Xander's body drawing a groan from both of them. He moved onto his side and pulled Xander into his arms.

The boy looked up at him and frowned suddenly. "What was that?"

Spike's heart dropped, the powder had worn off. "Er...well, see it's like this. I knew you wanted me, you just wouldn't admit it. So I got this spell from a gypsy, was s'posed to show your true feelings" he grinned uncertainly "Looks like it worked eh?"

Xander pulled back out of his arms and snagged the sheet, dragging it over his lap. He frowned again at Spike then shook his head. "So you cast a spell on me to get me into bed right?"

Spike sat up abruptly and reached for Xander. "No, no pet, that's got nothing to do with why I did it, okay maybe I was hoping but it's not the reason I got the bloody stuff. I wanted you to admit that you wanted me…" He looked down and mumbled the next "As much as I want you."

Xander blinked. "Say that again?"

"I wanted ya pet, I like ya. And I knew you wanted me, just had to get ya to admit it is all." He took a deep unnecessary breath and continued. "I love you Xan."

Xander looked away from the vampire. Then looked back with a small grin on his face. "You love me?"

Spike gave his lover a rueful smile. "Yeah pet, I do" He reached out again and this time Xander allowed him to pull him into his arms. "I really do"

Xander cuddled into the cool body holding him and sighed "I think I love you too Spike"

Spike could have sworn his heart gave a beat at that moment. He'd longed to hear Xan say those words but never actually expected them.

"Oh pet, I love you so much" He held him tightly and pressed a fierce kiss to his lips. Slowly he released his love, realizing he needed to breathe. But kept his arms firmly wrapped around him.

They lay there for a while, cuddling and occasionally kissing before Xan looked up at Spike and whispered "I love you Spike."

The End

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