Spoilers: Kinda might be some spoilers for Into the Woods
Summary: Spike and Xander finally have a talk.
Distribution: Want, Take, Have. Just let me know.
Disclaimer: All characters herein belong to Joss Whedon and Company. I earn no money from these writings.
Author's Note: Just a short little ficlet based on the challenge issued by Marta (Morrigupriestess) on XanderSlash. I just hope you like it Marta. Thanks.
Spike lay on the bed, waiting for Xander to return. He wasn't entirely happy about the boy's continued fight against all things evil, but if Xander wanted to run off and play with his 'Scooby Gang' Spike didn't see that he had any right to say anything. After all, his being with the human hadn't stopped him from hanging out at Willy's and playing rounds of 'Kill the Slayer', had it?
But he's been gone a long time. What if he's hurt? The thought came unbidden to Spike's mind. He sat up, casting his eyes around the room as if he could find Xander somewhere within it. But it was just a cave, a small, dark, dank cave he'd found beneath his crypt. He would have liked to be living in a nicer place, but that would require money, wouldn’t it? Money he didn't have, and he couldn't really expect Xander to put him up at his place. Wasn't like the boy actually cared for him, they were just mates, friends, friends who have sex, but just friends all the same.
And whose fault is that? Not as if you've told the boy how you really feel about him is it?The voice surprised Spike, sounding off in his head, doing a remarkable impression of his arsehole of a Sire.
"I don't know what you mean." Spike spoke aloud to the voice within his head. "I can't tell him, he'll laugh at me. He doesn't want love, he's made that clear. He just wants a shag, maybe someone to hold him when he's down, but he doesn't want love. Not from me."
But you don't know that. You won't know until you tell him. The inner voice was now low, whispering to him. Telling him things it had told him over and over again in the months he and Xander had been together.
"I can't tell him, don't you listen. Don't you see. I'm just a replacement for what he can't have anymore. If I tell him that I love him, he'll leave. And I'd rather have him this way, than not at all." Spike threw himself back down on the bed, pulling the sheets up around his neck.
The closing of the door up in the crypt told Spike that Xander was here, coming back from one of their patrols. Sitting up on the side of the bed, Spike waited for his boy to climb down the ladder and come to him. His eyes shone with love, but he quelled it as Xander turned toward him.
The last thing he'd expected was to hear Xander's voice coming to him. Xander rarely spoke when they were together. "I've gotta say something, 'cause I don't think I've made it clear. I'm in love with you."
Spike stood, shocked, taking a few steps toward his love. The pain in Xander's voice ripped at his heart, unbeating or not. Something had happened, something bad.
"Powerfully, painfully in love. The things you do...the way you think, the way you move....I get excited every time I'm about to see you."
They were within touching distance now and Spike couldn't help it. He had an uncontrollable urge to reach out and take Xander's hand within his own. Their fingers twined together until they almost couldn’t tell where one stopped and the other began. Xander lowered his eyes to stare at the joining for a moment, then raised them back up to meet Spike's eyes.
"You make me feel like I've never felt before in my life. Like a man." He stopped again to look at the ground and shrugged insecurely. "I just thought you might want to know."
Spike reached up with his free hand, taking Xander's chin in a firm grip, and lifted his face to meet his eyes. Not saying a word, Spike leaned in and placed a light gentle kiss on his lips. Spike was surprised when Xander opened his own lips, darting his tongue out to deepen the kiss.
Spike pulled and Xander pushed until they tumbled back to the bed. Spike pulled away just enough to stare into the chocolate depths of his boy's…no, his man's, eyes. "I love you too, Xander. Just as powerfully, just as painfully. Eternally." And they were lost again in the tender kisses that once seemed like heated, rushed embraces. Spike sighed into the kiss and mentally gave his internal voice, that still sounded much too Sirelike, a two fingered salute. See there, ya arsewipe. He does love me.