PAIRING: Spike/Xander. .
GENRE : Slash
PROMPT: 077. Almost.
WORD COUNT: 1381 words.
SUMMARY: Xander and Spike struggle to cope, following the incident at the Korakuen.
WARNINGS: None. Angst.
To [info]kimalis, I give beta credit to. Set Post Chosen and NFA. Sequel to Said I Didn't Need You But I Lied
DISCLAIMER: You recognize them? I don’t own them.

You Hurt Me But I Love You


Xander could have killed his cabdriver as he ran up to the Korakuen, just in time to see Spike give one feeble glance around and walk into a crowd.

How could he have been too late? Had he just been too late? Had he just lost the the best thing to ever happen to him?

“Oh Spike,” he murmured, looking sadly into the crowd as if hoping he could pick him out. “It wasn't me.” Tears filled his good eye. “It wasn't me,”

Back at his hotel, he settled in front of his computer, trying to find the right words, to say what was on his mind.

Blame the cabdriver. He chose the worst streets in Tokyo to take.

No. It hadn't been all the driver's fault. He had thought he'd have enough time to...

I had at least an hour to spare, when I left my room. I didn't count on being confronted by hysterical grandparents, who had just been informed their granddaughters were being sent to England...

No. That would just reveal he had allowed work to come up, assuming he would have time to make it. That wouldn't work...

An Instant Message popped up on the screen.

DeadBlonde: I came across the world only to get my heart broken worse than it was before. I see how it is. I'll leave you alone, but before I go, I need to know.
DeadBlonde: Do you love me?

Xander sipped his beer with his left hand, his right hand hovering over the keyboard. What could he say that would make Spike realize he hadn't stood him up on purpose?

Of course, I love you. Blame Tokyo traffic...

As he deliberated a little longer, a message popped across the screen.

DeadBlonde has signed off.

In a hotel room across the city, Spike lay on the bed, with silent tears forcing their way though.

I trusted him with my heart. He SWORE he wanted me back, and he couldn't even bother to meet with me. Look what he's done to me. Turned me into a blubbering fool he thought, clutching the pillow to his chest.

His laptop was set up on a small table. The screen glowed, looking almost inviting. Could he be on?

No going back. You extended your hand to him, and he didn't want it. Probably got caught up with work and assumed I'd be waiting like before. Love or not...I just don't come before the Council

Knowing Xander the way he did, Spike knew something from the Council had delayed him, and all that showed was that Xander HADN'T changed. All the talk of change and taking him back gone!

From: XanMan
Subject: Vacation.

I need a long vacation. So, can you send someone else to handle Nagoya? I wouldn't normally do this, but I need a break.
I wish I could go into details, but I just need personal time. I've got the slayers settled at the hotel.
Thank you, Xander.

Resting his head in his hands, Xander hoped she would come through for him. He needed to get away from Japan, from how stupid he had been.

To: XanMan
From: WatcherinTraining
RE: Vacation.

We can send Andrew to Nagoya, just for a few weeks. Take all the time you need. Take Spike on a nice vacation. We all know that you don't spend enough time with him.

Dawn had no way of knowing he and Spike had split up. They all had seen it, and yet, no one had ever said a word.

If he hadn't stopped for the grandparents...he could have gotten a better cabdriver, and possibly less traffic. If only. If only.

To: XanMan
From: DeadBlonde
(No Subject)

Before I leave Japan, this needs to be said.
I traveled across the world for you. You managed to convince me that you wanted me back. I have no clue why you didn't come to the Korakuen. I keep hoping you'll tell me what happened. I sat for three hours last night, just clicking reload.
Xander, I loved you. You made me the happiest man ever.
Goodbye, Xander. Don't try to contact me again. As soon as I get back to the states, I'm leaving Ohio, and settling someplace new.
Goodbye, Xander. Know I loved you.

They were the words of a bitter man, struggling to heal. Xander hated knowing he was the reason behind Spike's pain.

Packing his bags, he prepared to leave for the airport. Before packing his laptop away, he sent Spike a small email.
To: DeadBlonde
From: XanMan
(No Subject)

I'm sorry. I love you.
Please forgive me.

Spike wanted to be rid of Xander. He couldn't take being hurt again. He just couldn't.

The airplane was relatively uncrowded. Spike managed to keep to himself, in a dark corner with his laptop.

He had no clue where he was going after moving out of the apartment. He just knew he couldn't live with the memories.

From: XanMan
Subject: The Truth.

There is no need to hide the truth. Spike and I broke up thirty-two days ago.
Oh God, now that I said that, it finally seems real.
I'm alone again, but still loving him. I will never understand the human heart.

Xander gently massaged his temple as he struggled to adjust to the screaming baby next to him. The only flight he could get was packed, and managed to make him crazy.

To: XanMan
From: WatcherinTraining
(No Subject)

Xander, you know I don't interfere with your life, but I have to tell you how I'm feeling with your awful news. I can't watch the end of such a perfect love. You and Spike were the couple I most wanted emulate. It's horrible to watch such a strong couple fall apart.

Spike's plane landed in Ohio, just after sunset. He couldn't wait to get home, and sleep in his own bed. Japan had just been a big waste of time.

“Where the hell is that bag?” he asked, staring at the luggage carousel. He watched, bags passing him every few seconds. Fifteen minutes later, he cursed, realizing his bag wasn't there.

“Sir, your bag accidentally got left in Tokyo.” The clerk checked the computer. “We'll make sure it gets on the next flight.”

“Bloody Hell!” Spike shouted, his voice rising through the airport.

Xander didn't know what to think, when he heard Spike's voice echo. He certainly hadn't thought the first thing he'd hear after getting off the plane would be the man he was trying to get over. Hearing him caused Xander's heart to start beating rapidly. Dawn's words sprang to mind.

You and Spike were the only couple I ever wanted to emulate.

Should he try to find him? Talk to him even? Was it better to just walk on by?

Spike jerked his head up, catching the slightest hint of Vanilla Cucumber soap. He knew of only one person who used it since it was a custom blend.


He wasn't sure where it came from. Should he seek him out? Risk his heart again?

Both were aware of each other's presence. Both were unsure of what to do.

They just knew they loved each other.

Silently, Spike made a split decision.

Following the scent of Vanilla-Cucumber, he managed to find Xander and silently embrace him.

From: XanMan
Subject: Where We Stand.

You haven't heard from me in three months. Spike and I have been taking the time to ease back into our relationship. To slowly get to know each other, and to learn how to live together. We should have done this the first time.
Our love is as strong as ever.
Is there any way I can settle in one spot for The Council? I promised Spike no traveling for awhile.
Love is an amazing thing. I just hope you get to experience one half of what I have with Spike.
Love. Xander.

The End

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