WORD COUNT: 719
SUMMARY: Traveling is hard, especially when you're separated from the one you love.
DISCLAIMER: You recognize them? I donít own them.
PROMPT: Forsaking All Others
When I Think About Cheating
You sometimes weigh the benefits of commitment versus a bachelor's life of many guys and no emotional attachment.
The life you had before the Bleached Blond Wonder showed up, admitting he loved you and causing you to see him in a new light. Now, your casual connections with many men has become a deeply intimate connection with one man.
Yet, it's a connection that you wouldn't trade for all the casual sex in the world. What you in have with Spike is something special, the kind of thing people kill for or die searching for. You tell Willow that you can't imagine living without him and for once, she knows this is real, not like the rest and you're being sincere.
The only problem is your job.
It takes you on the road five to six days a week. When Buffy asked you to do it, you knew it wouldn't be easy but back then, you weren't committed. You had a guy for every city you stopped in. They expected you, so, the travel schedule wasn't too bad.
Now, you have Spike and your Siamese Cat, Bill. They don't travel though. So, you're left to those lonely hotel rooms, your old body pillow a substitute for the man you left at home.
You know you're not perfect, especially on those lonely nights.
You've developed a taste for single malt Scotch. It's strong enough to make you forget you're not where you want to be. You always thought Giles was crazy for liking it but now you understand. As you sit there, you watch people.
People notice you watching them but they mistake it for something more. They come over, sipping their martinis and their daiquiris. They smile, they smirk and leave you a key with a hastily scrawled room number on a napkin.
It kills you that you're so tempted. You should be grateful for the strong relationship you have these urges but you do.
Then again,that old body pillow is no substitute for a person. Spike would never have to know. These are your thoughts as you lightly finger the room key. Then, you come to your senses. You have someone who loves you. A night of cheap sex would ruin everything.
You've come extremely close only once. It was at a small bar in Texas. Some guy you were watching convinced you to dance. As you stood up, he whispered something in your ear.
I can tell anyone who has you is lucky.
You thought it was a weird thing to say. Then, as the stranger's words sunk in, you pulled away. It wasn't about sex.
You just missed Spike.
He kept you strong. He made you who you were and filled a void the casual life had left in your heart. You had something to live for.
It happened again tonight.
Some man left you with a key and a wink. You were about to take it when your phone rang. Pulling it out, you realized who it was. Then, you made the man leave with a strong shake of the head. You weren't going to do this.
You don't normally call twice in a night.
Xan, the apartment's too bloody empty without you. Billy and I get lost in it.
Billy? His name is Bill.
Well, when it's just the two of us, he's called Billy and walks on a leash. The blokes at the bar love him.
If our cat gets eaten...
Now, now, Won't let anyone touch him.
I miss you.
Miss you too, Pet.
You chat with him for a few minutes longer. The big grin on your face announces to the world that you're on the phone with the love of your life. The way he makes you feel...
Sometimes, I don't think I tell you enough.
Tell me what, Pet?
How much I love you. You're always there even when we're miles apart. Never letting me down. Just making me happy.
One day, we'll be together, Xander. One day.
I love you.
Love you too, Xander Harris.
You hang up, now back in your room. You silently strip and climb into bed. You roll over, clutching the body pillow in the well worn Sex Pistols t-shirt that smells like him.
The old body pillow doesn't substitute for a person but it is the next best thing until you are with him again.
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