Fic for [info]darkhavens

Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: R
Disclaimer: The fault rests with whomever is weak enough to lay blame.
Concrit/Feedback: Word-up, home-slice.

Summary: [info]darkhavens’s prompt: ‘Spike/Xander playing a movie quote game for shots, degenerating into playing for articles of clothing, and further degenerating into playing for sexual favors *g*’

Set in S4, a sequel to:The First

Lazing On A Sunday Afternoon


3:20 p.m.

“Spike? Wake up. . . .”

“Huh? Whazzat?”

“I’m bored. . . .”

“Bored--? Pet, it’s . . . three in the afternoon on Sunday. Take a nap.”

“But I’m not sleepy.”

“Then watch some telly, yeah?”

“Nothing on but documentaries and infomercials.”

“Hmmmmm. . . .”

“Spike! Wake up!”

“‘M awake, just--restin’ my eyes--”

“Let’s play a game.”

“A--oh, yeah, sure . . . I’m up for that--”

“Gah! I didn’t mean that kinda game!”

“Then what the bloody hell--oh, no. . . .”

“Spike. . .?”

“No, Xan, we’re not playin’ any soddin’ board games. I’m too sleepy and you’re too stupid.”

“You really missed your calling, what with being an evil bastard and all. You should’ve worked for Hallmark.”


“Look, what if we played the movie-quotes game, huh? No board required.”

“The what?”

“The movie-quotes game. Players try to stump each other with quotes from random movies. The one with the fewest incorrect guesses wins--I’ll even keep track of the wrong guesses, so all you have to do is answer.”

“Well . . . doesn’t sound too strenuous. . . .”

“And you’ll probably win. You must’ve seen every movie made, since you’re, like, a jillion years old--”


“You know what I mean. You’re gonna mop the floor with me without even trying.”

“Would do that, anyway.”

“I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: you do wonders for my ego.”

“Oh, don’t be so high maintenance, love . . . alright, I’ll play your nancy little game, but the minute I get bored, we start playing one of my games, yeah?”

Spike! Okay, you’re so not allowed to touch me there once the game starts!”

“Spoil-sport. . . .”

4:06 p.m.

“Not even close . . . Big Trouble In Little China!

“Dear me. Can’t believe I missed that one . . .”

“Uh--Spike, what are you doing?”

“Takin’ off my shirt.”

“Yes, I see that, and it begs the question: why?”

“It’s a rule I came up with. Whoever guesses wrong has to take off an item of clothing.”


“What?! I’m just trying to make this a bit more interesting!”

“Movie-quotes game doesn’t need nudity to make it interesting!”

“. . . .”

“Well, it doesn’t!”

“You sayin’ you don’t wanna see me naked, then?”

“No, it’s not that--”

“Good! My turn--This one time, in band-camp--

American Pie--what happens when we run out of clothes, huh? What then, mister? Why are you smirking like that?”

4:29 p.m.

“I’ve been playing this game since I was nine, Spike.”

“Your point being--?”

“That the movie-quotes game isn’t meant to be played naked. Or with shots!

“You’re not nine years old, anymore, pet. Besides--I don’t see why your bloody GARP has to be involved, either . . . don’t hear me complainin’.”

“Okay first? It’s not GARP, it’s GORP. It stands for Good Old Raisins and Peanuts. You may have heard it referred to as trail mix, oh, undead one. Second--it’s not a part of the game, it’s just the accompanying snack. Every game has one. Monopoly has nachos, The Game of Life has Twizzlers, Risk has cheese popcorn--”

“Alright, I get the point. Just be careful not to slop it all over the bed . . . don’t fancy Good Old Raisins and Peanuts pokin’ me in the arse mid-shag.”

“I’m not a toddler! I can eat in bed without making a mess--whoops!”

“It’s like I’m bloody psychic--”

“I got em’--it was just two raisins and an M&M . . . and the perimeter has been secured.”

“Wait--M&Ms? Don’t recall any ‘M’ sounds in that nifty little acronym of yours. . . .”

“The ‘M’ is silent.”

“Sure it is, nummy.”

“If you can sully the movie-quotes game with nudity and hard liquor, I can sully the GORP with M&Ms.”

“Fine . . . Queen of spades . . . four of hearts . . . eight of spades . . . deuce, spades, jack of diamonds, jack of clubs--argh!

“No sweat--Evil Dead, evil undead . . . If I was you guys, I wouldn’t pay to see a monster movie, I’d just stay home and look in the mirror!

“I really am gonna mop the floor with you--It.”


It’s not so hard. Acquiescence. You just. Give. In.

“Um . . . . Interview With The Vampire?”

“Ugh! God, no. Ravenous! Take a shot!”

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into playing naked, and for shots instead of points. . . .”

5:10 p.m.

“Um . . . Mary Poppins?”

“No--but close, love. A Clockwork Orange. Drink up”

“. . . .”

“Er, pet?”


“‘S your turn.”

“Really? Oh, fudge . . . Looks like we’ll need a bigger boat.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me?”

“Haha! I’ve stumped you, at last! The game is mine!”

Jaws, pet.”


“What’s the matter, now?”

“You’re way too good at this game. Are you sure you’re not, you know . . . cheating, a little?”

“For the tenth time, love, cheating would be impossible.”

“But you’re, like, *hic* super evil and stuff. Die-balolical, even. If there was a way to cheat at and pervert something as pure and wholesome as the movie-quotes game, you’d find it.”

“. . . that may be the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me, Harris. . . .”

“In fact, you did pervert it, you bad, wicked man-pire. Booze and nudity and movie-quotes don’t go together. . . .”

“I’m tellin’ you, Jack Daniels used to play the movie-quotes game naked with his mates--Jim Beam and Johnny Walker--all the time!”

“Evil, undead liar-guy.”

“Keep stroking my ego, love, and you’ll find yourself stroking something else of mine in short order.”

“You’ve brought shame on the ancient and noble movie-quotes game.”

“You sayin’ you don’t wanna touch my body?”

“Um. . . .”

“‘Cause I wanna touch yours, pet. . . .”


“Wanna lay you down--”

“No! No laying down during game-play!”

“--and fuck you on a bed of GORP and M&Ms.”

“That’s--that’s against the rules! And kinda icky. . . ”

“What rules?”

“The ones I made up before I was all naked and tipsy!”

“Don’t recall you sayin’ anything about no fucking around on GORP and M&Ms.”

“It’s an unspoken, but tacitly understood rule. Like ‘no tripping the elderly’ and ‘no feeding Mogwais after midnight’.”

“You can’t even take the stick out of your arse when you’re drunk. Like Watcher, Jr, you are.”

“Really? You think so?”

“That wasn’t a compliment! Did you even hear a bloody word I just said?”

“Hah! The Miracle Worker!”

“That wasn’t even a sodding--wait--er, wrong answer, love! Time for another shot.”

“Gah . . . I don’t think I should have anymore shots right now, Spike.”

“But you missed a quote, love--”

“Can’t I just have my shot later?”

“--you’re out of clothes and too far gone for more Jack--unless you wanna forfeit the game--”

“Never! I’m the movie-quotes game champ! I’ve never lost a game, not even to Jesse!”

“--then we’re just gonna have to alter the stakes again, yeah?”

“Um . . . you’re smirking again and I’m kinda frightened.”

“Next quote missed, the quoter gets a kiss. Quote after that is worth a protracted fondle--”

“Uh--Spike. . . .”

“I guess after that it could be a hand job, then a blow job, then a finger-fuck, though I’m more partial to rimming--”



“Just say a flingin’, flangin’ movie-quote!”

“Fine. Whatever. Play it again, Sam.

“Hmm . . . gee, dunno. You stumped me, but good.”

“Yeah, I--wait, that was a throwaway.”

“It was? Huh, can’t believe I missed it. Oh, well . . . I owe you a kiss--gah! Spike! What are you doing?”

“Plannin’ on makin’ a bunch of right guesses any time soon?”

“Well. . . .”

“Exactly. So why draw it out? Wanna collect my winnings now.”

“”But--that’s against the rules! And--there’s gonna be GORP digging into my back and M&Ms melting in places better left unmentioned!”

“Hazards of the movie-quotes game, love. . . .”

“Are you saying I’m not worth winning fair and square?”

“Oh, don’t bloody pout, mate--”

“Are you?”

“You know I’m not!”

“Then you may collect your kiss whenever you’re rea--”

“. . . .”

“. . . .”


“Damn right, wow. Next quote.”

“Okay . . . um, Adrienne! Adrienne!

“Uh . . . you got me, pet. Looks like I owe you a fondle.”

“See? With the right stakes, the movie-quotes game can be really--eep!"

The End

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