First in the Forevermore!verse
Promises That We'll Be Forevermore
The knowledge that he was going to be too late to save his boy tore through Spike’s undead heart like a knife. Drusilla had warned him but he had a sneaking suspicion she’d waited till she knew he’d be too late because she was still all pissy over loosing her bloody Daddy again, that was it, he’d let her stay in bloody Mexico or South America alone, Sire or no Sire.
He could understand taking other lovers, even when it was the ultra bastard version of Angelus, for that matter he had his boy, but not telling him when Xander was in danger just because her knickers were in a twist made him see red.
He made his way through the hospital, dodging orderlies and nurses alike in the dead of the night. The scent of antiseptic, human waste and death cloyed at his nose and made his stomach lurch. The thought that Xander was in this horrendous place because of him, was hurt because of him was a pain like he hadn’t felt in over a century of living.
Finally he found the scent he was looking for but the changes to it twisted him all the more. Chocolate and sunlight was replaced with pain and sickness and his demon howled within. He ran into the ICU, slamming a nurse that tried to stop him against the wall and stepping over her to get to the curtained area where his boy lay.
Xander, split lip, loose teeth, both eyes swollen, a tube helping him to breath stuck down his throat. It was his fault, he should have taken the boy with him when they left the Hellmouth but he’d been frightened at what Drusilla might do to the boy.
This was the first person he really trusted in years laying on the bed, bloody and broken. Drusilla may have been his Sire but Angelus had made her so mad that she couldn’t be trusted anymore than that bitch Darla. Angelus had always hated him, pushed him around and abused him. Made him think lesser of himself. But this human boy had cared. Had stood up to Angelus and hated the vampire even when he did have his bloody ponced-up soul. This was the boy who brought him human blood in bags at the expense of his own hard earned money, so that Spike could heal since all Angelus would give him was half rations of fucking pig’s blood.
This was the soul that reminded him of William; coming together as unwilling allies right after the boy had been dumped by his girl because he wasn’t worthy of her attentions.
The only thing they had in common at first was their hatred of the dark vampire that was making both their lives hell. Xander had been too afraid of him, even though he was in a wheelchair, and had handed over the bags of blood using a broom handle. It had made Spike feel good, at least he could still frighten a human even though he was too weak with pain and huger really to even lean forward, much less grab the boy and drain him.
It was difficult, the boy would come by before school and he’d have to hurry and feed on the blood while it was still cold so the evidence of his bagged meals could be taken away before Angelus found out.
Then one day he hadn’t been able to meet Xander…Angelus had been pissed the night before when his plans to kill the slayer had failed yet again and had beaten the crippled vampire within an inch of his life.
And Xander had risked his life that night sneaking into the mansion after everyone else was gone, had seen what had happened and had quietly cleaned him up, set his bones and fed him all the blood he had. Then brown eyes had looked at his condition and the boy had produced a knife from his boot. Cut his own arm to feed a vampire his healing lifeblood.
Spike still remembered that moment in time, when everything had changed. The scent of chocolate and light and lust had been overwhelming. Like most who were fed on without pain the feel of the bite made the boy hard and Spike could scent it, could feel it in his blood. The hormones made it richer, stronger and he’d hated to give it up. But he had, he restrained himself and found the boy watching with lust filled eyes.
The kiss that happened next had been the most amazing kiss he’d ever had. Not because the boy was well practiced but because he was so honest in his desire. Warm lips that opened and a hot tongue that pushed it’s way into Spike’s mouth, stroking his tongue, feeling the inside of his mouth, tasting his own blood.
Spike had answered the challenge, following the boy back into his mouth for his own taste. Chocolate and sugar and need and want. The fresh blood straight from Xander’s veins had helped him heal more than ten bags of human and he quickly found out he was regaining feeling past his waist. His cock grew thick and hard and made him pull the boy to him and kiss him all the more, teeth meeting and mouths working. Finally they had to stop, Xander couldn’t breath but he could tell from the lust filled eyes that he hadn’t wanted to stop, had only wanted more kissing, more touching, just more. Now the lips he loved were bleeding and cracked and he felt the pain of his boy like it was his own.
The nurse that he’d shoved was up and trying to make him leave his beloved. He grabbed the woman by the arm and shook her, his demon to the fore.
“Can he wake up?”
“Y-yes, he’s just resting right now. I’m afraid you’ll have to leave sir…”
“What did this to him! Tell me or else!”
“I don’t know sir. Please you’ll have to leave!” He knocked her out and slid her body down the wall. These stupid fucks in Sunnydale didn’t even have the sense to be scared when face to face with death. He stepped up to the bedside and touched the beautiful face that he loved more than any other, bruised and swollen as it was.
“Xander…Xan Love wake up, its Spike. I’m here Pet.” Slowly his eyes opened and looked confused at first, tried to fight the tube in his throat. Spike got him calmed down and whispered reassurances to his boy.
“Come on Xander, I’m here now, gonna be fine. I’ll take care of you, don’t worry. Won’t let anyone hurt you ever again, never going to leave you again. I’ll take you away and make it all better.”
Big tears leaked from pain filled eyes and Spike wanted nothing more than to take his boy away from that awful place. He leaned over and licked up the salty track and then kissed Xander lightly on the least bruised corner of his mouth.
“What did this to you Pet? Just blink if I’m right. Was it your friends? Did they find out about us?”
Xander shook his head yes but didn’t blink. “They found out but they didn’t do this right? Was it a vamp or a demon?” No reaction. “Was it…was it your Da Pet? Did your Father do this to you?”
Brown eyes blinked furiously and more tears leaked down that pretty face. Spike had to control himself, he was on the verge of letting his demon out to play in the man’s intestines but first he had to take care of his boy.
“Okay Xander I’m just gonna look at this chart thing those bloody doctors are always scribbling in all right? Even if you can’t see me I’m still here and I’m not leaving you ever again all right?” He kept up his steady stream of reassurances and love while looking at the chart that detailed Xander’s injuries.
Concussion, broken nose, broken ribs and arm, blunt force trauma to his torso leading to internal bleeding. A laundry list of different hurts but the worst was the broken sternum that had sent splinters into the area around the heart. Xander was on life support, couldn’t survive without it and needed a heart transplant, his had been too damaged.
Unwillingly tears sprang to Spike’s eyes at the thought of how much pain his fragile human love had gone through already, and how much more there would be while he healed, and that was if he was lucky enough to get a heart.
There was only one thing he could do really, and Spike found himself oddly reluctant. He’d never gotten to enjoy his love’s heat and warmth and he hated to loose that.
“Xander, Love listen to me. Do you know how hurt you really are Pet, or have they not been telling you?”
He could see his boy try to shrug automatically without thinking and saw the pain flare in his eyes from the broken bones. “Hush Xan…lay still yeah? Just blink if yes okay. Do you know how bad you’re hurt?”
No blink and Spike hated the condescending doctors that were too cowardly to tell his boy the truth. “It’s…damn bad Xander. I’m not gonna lie to you, I couldn’t. You need a heart transplant Love, and that’s if they can find one. You’ll be in pain for months, rehab, all that rot. Now I’ll stay here by your side through all that if you want me Love, no matter what your little friends might say. But you know what I can do for you Love, and you know the difference between a mindless minion and a true Childe of a Master. You know you wouldn’t loose that much of yourself unless I drove the remains of your humanity away and I’d never do that Xander. I don’t want you to go.”
He gripped a limp hand tightly, almost desperately willing the boy to choose him. But if he didn’t want his dark kiss he wouldn’t hold it against him, he’d stand by his boy’s side no matter what.
Spike could feel the weight of Xander’s gaze and looked up. He felt as if he was being weighed and measured but for what he didn’t know. Finally after what seemed like forever Xander blinked and raised a hand to pull out the tube.
Spike struggled not to roar in triumph. He’d be able to keep his beloved with him forever. He took hold of the tube that was the only thing keeping Xander breathing and went to pull it out but then stopped.
“Wait Xander, lemme shut off all this bloody well annoying beeping and crap so no one will interrupt us.” Spike shut off all the monitors and machines and he could tell the change in his boy right away. “This will have to be quick Xander, I’ll try to be gentle but it will hurt since you’re in pain already Love. When I put my wrist to your mouth you drink as much as you can yeah? Now breath out as best you can and I’ll get this sodding tube out of you.”
After the tube was gone he could hear the wheeze and rattle of Xander’s chest, could hear the heart laboring to work, the rhythm of it thrown off by pain and injury.
“Shhh Xander, don’t talk. You can tell me whatever it is when you wake up okay Pet?”
He wished he could make this easier, give his boy pleasure as he died but he couldn’t. Xander was just hurt too bad. He quickly changed to his demonic aspect and struck without warning, his boy jerking in a natural reaction to being attacked kicking in before his brain and the pain made him stop. Spike took deep swallows of blood and found it bitter and disgusting. Xander was pumped full of medications and pain and that made it sour rather than the sweetness he remembered.
Still he didn’t stop and soon Xander was almost unconscious from pain and blood loss. He finally pulled away and used his fangs to rip open his wrist and held it to Xander’s mouth, willing the dying boy to drink.
Finally he roused enough to drink, either that or it was a natural reaction to having his mouth filled with the fluid and trying to breath. Either way Spike didn’t care he just let his boy, his Childe nurse at his wrist like a babe at the teat.
He would have been satisfied to stay that way till he heard Xander’s heart stop, but with the strength of the dying Xander pulled away from the wrist and grabbed Spike by his duster and pulled him down.
Rapidly cooling lips met his own with fierceness that surprised him. Spike was loath to take possession of his boy’s mouth but Xander had other ideas and Spike found himself with a tongue almost down his throat before he started pushing it back, rubbing and stroking and entwining his tongue with Xander’s. Finally Xander pulled back and shared his last breath as a mortal with Spike and he found himself wishing he could keep that breath till the end of time.
Xander slowly woke up and it was all wrong. It was too bright and too loud and it was too harsh and he was hungry beyond anything he’d even known. He could hear what he thought were mice in the walls, and he felt like there were a thousand different smells invading his senses.
He heard a noise to his left and jumped and from it came a sense of leather/smoke/love/home and above everything else there was SIRE.
Strong arms enfolded him and he knew that this is where he belonged, would do anything to stay there. Words are whispered softly but he’s so confused he only understands some…”Love” and “forever” and most importantly to him “Childe”.
Then a taste fills his mouth and it’s the most rich and sweet and strongest taste he can ever remember having. Copper and smoke and strength flowing into him from his Sire, his maker, his everything. For the first time he notices he has fangs and presses them down, worrying the wound his Sire has made for him to feed until more of the wonderful richness flows into him, making him feel as if he could walk on water he was so strong.
The wrist that had been feeding him was taken away and Xander whimpered, not really hungry but wanting that connection to his Sire. He can feel kisses pressed to his temple and face and he found himself purring at the feeling of love and home.
“Xander…Xander Love, open your eyes. C’mon Pet, come back to me. Wake up for your Sire now Childe.”
“Yes Pet, Sire. Know my other name Pet, is it coming back to ya yet?”
Xander thinks…he knows he is Xander and that this is his Sire but everything else is in jumbles in his head.
Slowly things fall back into place, memories of a tanned boy slightly taller and sadness, of red hair and sister and disappointed looks, of heavy fists falling and pain and all the time wishing and hoping for… “Spike?”
“That’s right, Spike. Give it a few minutes more and you’ll remember everything Pet. I’m here, don’t worry.”
Soon he does remember everything about his all too short life. The clown that terrorized him when he was little, his Uncle and Father’s bitter laughter, his Mother never caring if he was sick or not. His heartache for killing his best friend. Buffy and Giles and Willow and family for a short while. Angelus almost killing Willow, actually killing Jenny and Buffy not being able to kill the monster with her lover’s face. Cordy dumping him because he wasn’t good enough for her, never good enough for anyone till he was driven to make a deal with a blonde/blue eyed devil in black leather.
It is that very devil that consumed the last months of his life, caring for Spike, worrying about him. Wishing he’d come back as promised but not holding his breath because good things never happened to fuck-ups like Xander Harris.
“Spike? Oh gods Spike! I didn’t think you’d come back, I missed you so much!”
“Sorry Xander, I’m so very sorry I wasn’t there for you Pet…so fucking sorry. I kept trying to come back and Dru would pitch a fit, she hated that I helped you kill Angelus and was trying to twist me round her finger again Pet, but it didn’t work cause I knew I had to come back for you. I’m just so fucking sorry I was too late Pet. What happened?”
Xander burrowed into the protection of his Sire as he remembered the last days of his life. “Buffy ran away for a little while after Angelus died, well it turned out Willow could do that spell and it was Angel she killed and sent to hell in the express hand basket. But her Mom and Giles spent a couple of weeks and finally tracked her down in L. A. After she came back her and Wills had a girls night and Buffy and Willow figured out I’d lied to make sure Buffy would kill Angel no matter what.”
Xander shifted around so he could look into his Sire’s eyes and gain some sort of comfort. “Giles was, is out of town, Counsel business or something, but Wills and Buffy and Oz got together and connected the dots, figured out I’d been helping you. You can guess what happened then, big fight, Buffy screeching about my boyfriend, the girls not talking to me. Only problem was that Father Dearest heard that I had a boyfriend and decided to beat the faggot out of me. You can guess what happened from there…it’s still kinda muddled in my brain.”
Spike nuzzled the top of his head and Xander inhaled the scent of his Sire to chase the bad thoughts away. It was then it occurred to Xander that he would be all right. Spike was there, loved him still and even though he’d been turned he didn’t feel that much different. He didn’t feel a need to hunt down his old friends or family and kill them messily or anything.
Mostly he wanted to touch and be touched by his Sire. He did spare a thought for hunting later on, but he didn’t want easy prey like the teenagers that lived at the Bronze. No he wanted to go into the bad parts of town and test his fangs on someone that could fight back, see if he was stronger than he had been before. Plus it would be easy to scare little girls, but to scare a big bad human? That would be even more fun. Find some thick-necked goon, the adult version of the bullies that had tortured him and make him scream.
“Someone’s thinking naughty thoughts.” Spike voice whispered in his ear and Xander shuddered, the sound of it sending sparks of arousal up and down his spine. “What’s going on in that pretty head of your Pet?”
Haltingly Xander tells his Sire what he was thinking. He worried that this new version of himself will bother Spike. After all Spike had loved him as a human, but his Sire laughs at hearing his wishes to hunt and he receives a firm kiss on the lips.
“That’s my Xander, making the bad guys the prey. I can deal with that, might even be fun when you put it that way Pet. Come on, we’ll get cleaned up and go hunting, maybe stop by your old place for whatever you want to take with you when you leave this hellhole of a town. Might just kill your Da while we’re there. We’re at Crawford Street Pet so there are some of Peaches old clothes there in the closet.”
Xander wandered over to find something more appropriate than a hospital gown to wear. “Nah, he’s not worth killing Sire, and he’d probably taste awful.”
Spike looked at him from the corner of his eye and he worried the he’d made his Sire mad. But them Spike laughed and all is right in this new world of his again.
“You’re probably right Love, be like drinking booze that had gone off. What about the Slayer and you’re little friends?”
Xander frowned, wanting to get the right answers for his Sire but also wanting to tell the truth. “Well I’m not anxious to meet up with them right now, but I don’t want Willow to worry. I mean if I had lived we would have moved past this and made up eventually, Willow never stays mad at me. And I understand why Buffy is so pissed; I did kill her lover. I would have been pissed if she had hurt you. Giles isn’t even here, he doesn’t know and he’s been the closest thing to a parent that gave a shit for me, I’d hate to just disappear on him. Maybe I could send some letters or something. What do you think?”
His Sire walked up behind him and enfolded him in his arms and Xander spared a glace at the mirror on the closet door. Empty.
“I think that you are my own, precious, lovely Childe and if you want to let the Slayer go we will and if you want her head as a bowling ball we can do that too.”
Xander’s nose squelched up. “SIRE! Ewwww! I may be a vampire now but that’s still gross.”
And Spike laughs, a happy sounds and he feels himself purr to hear it because it means he’s made his Sire happy. “It’s only gross Pet because you are still you, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Not gonna do one thing to change it either.”
Xander heard the memory of pain in his Sire’s voice and can’t help but ask. “Sire? You…you weren’t always Spike were you?”
“No Pet. I was William the Bloody Awful Poet who would do anything for a drop of affection or love, you know that. Your Cordelia and my Cecily were not that much different for all that more than a hundred years separated them. Like you when I was turned I wanted to care for the people who were important to me in life, but…” He can feel the sadness radiation off his Sire and attempts to purr to soothe and comfort, it comes out rusty at first but it seemed to help.
“No Pet, between you and me the Spike thing started out as a defense against Darla and Angelus’s games, and to make Dru happy. Now it’s who I am but it’s not who I started out to be. But you my Childe, don’t have to worry about that, not gonna beat you bloody if you don’t wanna hurt a little girl and I’m not gonna force you to be anything you aren’t. I love you as you are Chile, and you are mine.”
They had kissed before, passionate kisses, hurried kisses, a quick pressing of lips as Xander hurried away to his world of school and the friends he couldn’t talk to. There had been a good-bye kiss that Xander had worked hard to remember, hard and deep and desperate. He had brought that memory out when lonely and hoped that Spike would return for him.
This time though, they share a different kind of kiss and it makes Xander melt. Passionate and slow, this kiss is full of promise. Spike licked the corner of his lips and obediently Xander opened his mouth, letting his Sire taste and touch everything that he is. A tongue runs over the inside of his teeth and he can now feel the change in his face as his new fangs descend. Tongues duel, nether one wanting to dominate but enjoying the way they slip and slide and taste.
And Xander finally gets what it means to be a vampire, not because of the fangs, but because they are both able to continue to kiss without Xander having to gasp for breath. If it wasn’t for the need to feed he could kiss Spike forever.
Suddenly he is grabbed by his hips and pulled against his Sire and their erections touch. Xander had not yet dressed and his naked cock was rubbed against Spike’s denim covered length and it was rough and painful and it was the closest thing to heaven he had ever known.
Just as Xander thinks his unlife could get no better his Sire flicks first his tongue than then his own against a razor sharp fangs and the wonderful taste of blood and richness fills their mouths and Xander kisses his Sire all the harder because if it; wants to lick and taste every single molecule of it. Wants to possess Spike as much as he is, in turn owned by the demon that had captured his heart long before he was hurt.
Finally Spike ends the kiss and Xander feels all muzzy headed with lust and want and need. He whimpers at the loss and sways and his Sire laughs and grabs him, holds him up and keeps him from falling.
“Yeah Xan…whoa. Can’t wait till we have more time, wonder if we can get off just by snogging?”
Xander looked up through his eyelashes, which seemed to have gotten thicker in death then they had ever been in life and tries a pout. “Can we Sire? Please?”
“Fuck. I think I created a monster.”
“Sire? Did I do something wrong?”
“No Xander as you very well know. I just can’t see me ever saying no to you when you look at me like that and use that tone of voice.”
Xander just grinned at him, not even bothering to deny the accusation. Spike was probably the first person that had ever worked on though, his parents hadn’t looked at him and Willow would just counter with her own resolve face. He’d just have to make sure to only use it for important things, like special addition comics or asking his Sire for that “Everything I Need to Know I Learned from Star Trek” shirt he’d been wanting or something.
“Just get dressed Pet. We have plenty of time for fun later, first I want to get you fed right and get some other clothes, don’t like the thought of you wearing Peaches hand me downs.”
Xander happily agreed and hurried to follow his Sire’s wishes. He had a feeling that his unlife was going to be better than his life had ever been.
Two nights later he stood at Giles’s front door, nervous. His Sire stood to the side, trying to give him the privacy Xander wants but unwilling to let him face the human alone. Finally the door opened and the man who’d meant so much to him during his mortal life stands before him.
At first Giles looks surprised and happy to see him but quickly that expression is exchanged for one of seriousness.
“Hey G-man. Guess the girls talked to you already. You hate me too?”
“Xander. I was worried that you had run away and I’d have to track you down as well. Yes, Buffy and Willow were here yesterday before I’d even got in the door. I must say that it was quite a shock to hear your unorthodox approach to defeating Angelus but I cannot say that I hate you for it. After all it was Spike that helped keep me alive, a fact that at the time I was quite confused about. Come, I’ll make a pot of tea and I have some chocolate from England I bought you as a souvenir.”
“Thank you Giles, but I think you’d rather I stay out here.”
He saw the realization dawn in the Watcher’s eyes and flinched when the wave of fear and sadness hit his nostrils. He never wanted Giles to be afraid of him. But at least he knew that someone would have missed him, would have come looking for him.
“God. Xander I’m so sorry…I”
“Hey, don’t worry G-man, I’m okay. Really.”
“Hmp. You use of that god-awful nickname tells me that it is still you at least. Unless it’s your way of torturing me. Then again you did that when you were…”
“Alive? Don’t worry Giles I’ve had a couple of days to adjust to being dead. Don’t worry, I’m not some mindless fledge or anything like that. I’m a Childe of a Master, you know that I get to stay mostly me, even if you Watcher type guys never tell your Slayers that.”
Even in the darkness he can see Giles look around nervously and he could scent the fear/sadness emanating from the man as he looked for Spike.
“Ah so it was Spike that…turned you?”
“Yeah but he didn’t kill me. Well not technically. Seems my dear old Dad finally noticed me, and well didn’t like the fact that I was a, what did Spike call it? Shirt-lifter. Yeah. When Spike got there I was in ICU and apparently had less than a fifty-fifty chance. From what little I can remember I managed to call for help before…”
Xander trailed off. He still didn’t like to think about the time before his death. For a soulless demon he was sensitive, something that his Sire seemed to find exceptional.
Suddenly Giles stepped away from the safety of his house, into the night and Xander found himself in a warm embrace. He fought the demon within when it scented blood so close to his fangs. Still it was nice, that Giles cared so much he was actually getting a hug from the stiff and proper Watcher.
“Wouldn’t do that if I were you Rupert. Boy is still young, might be hard to control himself.”
Giles quickly pulled back but didn’t jump back in the house and Xander was grateful, both for the fact that his mentor cared for him, and that his Sire wouldn’t let him hurt the human. Spike was right, for all that he didn’t want to hurt Giles the call of his blood was strong.
Giles seemed caught between running and wanting to stay and Xander stepped back, closer to his Sire. Giles must have seen something pass between them and he gave them a sad sort of smile.
“Well. It seems I have two things to thank you for Spike. For saving me, and for taking care of Xander. Thank you.”
“Didn’t do either for you Watcher. Did it for my boy.” Xander nudged his Sire and Spike looked at him and got caught in the glare of puppy eyes. “Still…you’re welcome. If I actually cared about your thanks which I don’t.”
Xander rolled his eyes at his Sire’s comments and handed Giles a bag he’d stashed at the edge of the porch.
“Here G-man, my worldly possessions I don’t need anymore but are too nice for Goodwill. There’s a letter for each of the girls and Oz and…well it’s sorta my will. You get to be my executor, isn’t that weird? I mean I didn’t write it till after I died.”
“Of course Xander, I assume you want them to know the truth?” At Xander’s nod Giles frowned. Probably thinking how they were to blame for his death. Spike blamed them too, but oddly enough Xander forgave his girls. Things were turning out okay, he had Spike after all.
“Come on Pet, Time to go.”
“Xander? Keep in touch will you, we’d all like to know that you are all right.”
Xander grinned. “Sure Giles, I’ll write long letters describing everything.”
Giles gave him a sour look. “That will not be necessary, just your general state of being would be nice. I doubt any of us would enjoy hearing of your…escapades.”
“What Watcher? Don’t you want to hear about my boy hunting? How about how he’s learned about the advantages of not having to breath by…”
“Right, we gotta go! Give the girls a hug from me G-man, and slap Oz on the back. I’ll send a postcard or something. A nice G rated postcard.” He tugs at his Sire’s coat and he can see the smirk. God he thought he gave up being embarrassed when he died, but evidently not.
As they leave the courtyard Xander can just hear the whispered “Goodbye Son.” That floated on the wind. His Sire heard it too because the arm around his shoulders tighten in comfort. They walked through the night that was now as bright to Xander as midday used to be; headed for the car and the way out of town.
“Where are we gonna go Spike?”
“Dunno, might head cross country, let you see some sights before we pick a place to set down roots. Where do you want to go Childe?”
“Anywhere you are Sire, anywhere you are.”
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