Once again thanks to Kitty for the beta job, I couldn't do it without her!
The others just didn’t get it. They all assumed he was with Spike just to try out his new and improved gayness with someone he knew and Giles was old and Riley was taken. They just couldn’t understand how he could send Anya and her handful of condoms away but keep Spike and his snark and his dirty Doc Martens.
But it was about accepting yourself for who you were, deep down inside, even if no one wanted you to be that way. Oxnard had begun a change for Xander, and he wasn’t about to let anyone stop him from being who he wanted to be.
Of course, his family and friends didn’t like it. His Dad had found out the hard way that Xander wasn’t going to be pushed around any more. Buffy and the others just didn’t even seem to try to understand, and their friendship had taken a hit when he sided with Oz on the whole Veruca thing. After all, Oz had been trying his best; it wasn’t like he set out to hurt Willow.
The second had come when the others saw him touch Spike. It wasn’t much, not even one of their kisses that seemed to melt Xander’s brain and send him flying all at once. It was just a touch of his hand against Spike’s face after a demon had nearly taken his head off. He’d just wanted to reassure himself that Spike was okay, and that he knew Xander was there in his dazed condition.
There had been yelling and words that couldn’t be taken back on both sides, but in the end the others simply preferred to think that Spike was using Xander for a safe place and Xander just wanted to have some fun.
They didn’t see how Spike would wrap around him late in the night, every inch of available skin pressed together, just…touching. Sure, they had wild, fabulous sex but they both just liked to sit and pet each other, staying connected. Spike liked to take care of his lovers and part of that was putting his hand on Xander’s back when they were out, or just sitting in front of the television, rubbing his shoulders.
And Xander got that, got the fact that behind the sneer and Spike’s veneer of being a Big Bad and a total ass was someone who needed to be wanted, loved, and touched in return. He loved to touch the nape of Spike’s neck, where his hair started to curl just so.
When the Initiative was finally gone, they packed up and left quickly during the night, notes left in mailboxes. The others would never understand the fact that they truly loved each other in an eternity kind of way. They would never get over the fact that Xander had blown the master computer and its antenna that controlled Spike’s chip into so many pieces that they would never be found.
They would never get that Xander would want Spike’s embrace forever.
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